


Forever with Erwin

by Drama Panda (ShadowMelly)



Series: Fluff Shrine [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Animal Death/Character Death, Erwin has depression symptoms, I'm sure you'll like it, Levi has a dark past, M/M, Master/Pet relationship at the beggining, animal cruelty, got this idea from a video I saw and I just have to write it, levi is a cat, no bestiality, their relatioship will progress slowly, with a twist when it's finally romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3577470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowMelly/pseuds/Drama%20Panda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi never really cared about velvet cushions or having pricey, smelly tuna everyday. The streets had been his home, his world all his short life but the scratching behind his ears and Erwin's gentle smiles certaintly felt nice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a sweet little idea I had. Perhaps it may seem weird how this could evolve into romance but I think you'll enjoy it as it progresses. I should be able to write a chapter everyday, since they will be smaller so I believe it will go smoothly and quick and it will start making sense pretty soon! Enjoy!

I have been around. These streets were my home and I knew them like the palm of my hand. Being born a stray didn’t really allow you much more but it’s not like I care. I’ve never known anything different. Be it raining or sunny, this freedom of sleeping anywhere, go anywhere, do anything has always been with me and I like it. My routine would go like this: wake up, stretch, yawn, stretch a little more, look for some food, go stare at the Doberman from the big house next to the shop with lots of flowers and amuse myself as it barked at me, if it’s sunny, take a nice nap and bask in the warm rays, look for some food again, look at people passing by my usual spot on the windowsill of a nice old lady and then go to sleep.

Simple, monotonous and the only possible pain in my ass would be if that huge Doberman ever manages to break that chain and chase after me. But it is highly unlikely. I’ve gotten too used to this life to find it boring anymore. Maybe when I was younger I would be more adventurous and do something stupid but I’ve long abandoned those ideas in favor of a nice, quiet and meaningless existence purring away my lifetime. It’s simply not worth it. Oh, I’ve seen the scars on others to prove how worthless it was. They boasted about them but I only thought they looked ugly. And nasty. They also looked like they had never cleaned themselves.

I really enjoyed my life. Well, I enjoyed it the most I could in my innocence.

When the old nice lady-who would also occasionally put a bowl of tuna on her porch sometimes- passed away I decided that I needed to find another place to lounge. The beastly shrieks and sweeping of a broom on my rear from the new owner- a ghastly woman by the way, she looked malnourished and had several pictures covering her body- were reason enough for me to not feel welcomed anymore. I left with all my pride though, even hissing at her stupid broom.

The day was grey and darkening. It was fairly early but of course I had to be shooed away right in the middle of winter. No matter. I would find a place soon enough. A little rain never hurt me.

I hated getting wet though. It left me feeling funny and gross.

I wandered off for quite some time, reaching the most inner suburban areas where people were louder and the air made me twitch my nose. Large tower like buildings stretched before me and none of them looked inviting. Soon, the first drop was hitting my nose. A five second warning as soon it started pouring and my whole body was instantaneously soaked. I looked up at the sky and frowned then started searching for a shelter. It was not too long before I spotted a small alley between the towers. It was dark and it smelled horrible-it seemed people deposited their garbage here- but it was unoccupied and there was a turned open box just big enough for me to enter. I pawed a little at it, feeling the rough cardboard material and did a small constricted turn before I curled up and laid down. I blinked, my tired eyes gazing at the wet floor and despite my best efforts I could feel my body start to shiver. Today was exceptionally cold. A soft noise escaped me-I refuse to label it as a whimper- and my stomach growled but I just shut my eyes since I’ve been walking all day and was just really tired.

It would go away. The cold, the hunger, the aching. It all went away in the morning.

Involuntarily, my mouth let out another soft mewl.

“What was that?”

One of my ears twitched at the sound of footsteps. My eyes opened a sliver to find a pair of tall legs walking towards my direction.

_Great. Just what I needed. Please go away and leave me alone…_

I curled up further into myself, trying to make myself as tiny as possible- which wasn’t that hard actually. I just found this spot and really didn’t want some stupid human making ridiculous noises and shooing me away, claiming that this was “his garbage”. I speak from experience.

So I mentally sighed when I heard a small gasp. From the small gap of my barely open eyes I could see the tall legs fold in a crouch. Trying to look at my level, he had a strange contraption over his head that was guarding him from the rain. My eyes opened fully involuntarily and my head raised a little, thinking that I could certainly use something like that.

“Hey little fella’! “ The human voiced and I frowned at him. He seemed amused at that. “My, you certainly seem friendly!”

He had an easy smile that seemed too genuine to mean harm but I still backed further into the box when he started to slowly extend his hand towards me. His fingers felt warm in the second that they brushed against my ear but my instinct spurred me into a violent hiss, baring my fangs in warning. He seemed startled by that, quickly retracting his hand and his eyes widened slightly. I thought that would be enough for him to just go away but his smile returned, a little wider even and his voice still sounded calm and friendly.

“Ah, my apologies. It was rude of me to intrude on your space like that.” I blinked at him again, my arched body slowly relaxing as he continued. “How about a deal? I’ll give you a warm dry place to settle for the night and you’ll make me some company. How does that sound, little fella’?”

I really didn’t like him calling me “little fella’“.

His hand extended again but he kept it near him and made a beckoning movement with his fingers. “I won’t pretend I didn’t see you shivering back there.”

I really don’t know what compelled me but there was something in this human that was different. His eyes were gentle and his voice was soft. His tone was patient and careful, treating me with something akin to respect.

I felt lured by it.

With reluctant steps I got out of the box and slowly approached him. I knew I probably looked a little pathetic. I was already small by nature but my dark fur was clinging to me, wet, and my body shivered uncontrollably. He seemed to wince as he saw how thin I looked.

His smile wavered a bit but he maintained his carefulness as he scooped me up gently into his arms. I let out a startled mewl, my claws clinging to his jacket as I wasn’t used to a human holding me and I started to have second thoughts.

Should I really trust him?

My thoughts turned hazy when his arm shifted me closer and his warmth seeped through my cold body. He started to move and the feel of him walking to somewhere unknown both scared and intrigued me.

I just hope I didn’t screw up…again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback and kudos! It's very inspirational *giggles*

It didn’t take very long before the human stopped at one of those huge towers-it didn’t seem any different than the others. He held me a little tighter as he tried to balance his strange contraption on his elbow and searched for something in his jacket. He made a little sound of contentment as he found whatever he was looking for before I heard a soft jingle and my eyes followed the sound. As he raised his arm with it to the door, I leaned a little and sniffed it, noticing a metallic scent to it. The human chuckled softly and inserted it inside a hole on the door and turned it; my ear twitched at the sound of the clicks.

When he opened the door, closed his contraption and stepped inside I was immediately hit with a wave of warmth. It was a startling contrast against the chilling cold outside and I looked up at the human in amazement. What was happening?  Supposedly this was the part where he would change his mind, would open the door once again and leave me outside; remind me that this was his territory and I had no place in it.

Anytime now…

I mewled inquisitively but he only smiled down at me and started climbing the stairs.

“Not much longer, little fella’. We’re almost there.”

He climbed up two floors before he stopped at yet another door. This one had some kind of carpet on the floor carved with some weird lines and curves-possibly human inscriptions. The human wiped his feet at it and I inwardly hummed. Clever. Being an admirer of cleanliness I could certainly appreciate that. He opened the door to a dark home but after he clicked on a button it lit. It looked quite simple but comfortable. I couldn’t help but notice that the floor on one of the rooms- the lounging room probably- had one those comfy type of floors that I could dig my paws in. I can’t remember the last time I have stepped on one of those.

“Welcome to my home.”

I didn’t really know what to do so I looked up at him and mewled in confusion. He only smiled and put down the backpack that I noticed just now he was carrying. He held me now with both of his arms, being careful not to hurt me. It gave a weird feeling, something that I never felt before and couldn’t identify. All I knew was that I felt…strangely safe.

“Hmm, you’re still a little wet. How about I dry you up? I’m sure you would like that.”

At the mere mention of the word ‘dry’, I looked at him in approval and he carried me to another room. This one was a little smaller and had a white appearance. It also looked exceptionally clean. He put me down on top of the toilet and turned to get a towel. I couldn’t help but flinch back as he hovered it over me though. It was instinctive, a natural reaction. He was much bigger than me, much stronger than me and I was in his home, inside one of the tall towers with no means to escape.

I whimpered and my ears tucked down. I had been so stupid. What was I expecting? Things looked pretty grim for me if he suddenly lost his pity for me. I knew he would.

I don’t trust humans. They are unpredictable. Sometimes you could come across an angel with a soothing touch and a generous soul but most of the times… they were demons that kicked you, insulted you, scorned you…

I felt the towel rub softly against my head and I mewled, startled.

“Shh…it’ll be alright…I won’t hurt you, little fella’.” From the warm cocoon that the fluffy towel made around my head, I noticed how incredibly blue his eyes were. They reminded me of cloudless skies of freedom and the limpid water of the large lake at the local park. I focused on them as my small body jerked gently to the rubbing of the towel. He smiled then-he seemed to be always smiling- and his eyes turned impossibly brighter.

He seemed happy. Why? I still felt miserable, uncomfortable. I can’t trust him. I can’t trust anybody.

Seemingly done, he put the towel away. My fur was frizzed out from the rubbing but I was thankfully dry once again. It was a nice feeling.

“There! That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I narrowed my eyes at him and he chuckled. My tail waved a bit at the sound.

My heart jumped a little when he leaned down to pick me up again. I don’t think I will ever get used to this. And I shouldn’t.

He carried me back to the lounging room and put me on the floor, to my relief. I sat down and looked up at him, then looked around the room. He pressed some button on a large, box shaped human device and it lit up. I mewled in amazement and stepped a little closer to it. It looked like there were tiny humans trapped inside but they didn’t look distressed by their rather cruel fate.

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself.” The human then chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. “I’ll just leave that on. You must be hungry, right?”

I left the trapped humans with one last curious glance and followed him. My stomach growled at the word ‘food’.

I sat at a corner and watched him gather ingredients. I saw a familiar can that had me licking my chops in eagerness and my tail waved in contained excitement. The human made something for himself first and then fetched a bowl, pouring the contents of the can into it. He went back to the living room and I trailed behind, my eyes set on the bowl.

He sat down on the couch with a tired sigh and smiled gently down at me, putting down the bowl at his feet. I approached it tentatively, looking up at him for some kind of disapproval but he was already munching on his own food.

So I dug in. I was careful not to dirty anything. It was the least I could do. The tuna felt fresh and meaty in my mouth, the delicious taste of it making me almost purr. Even if it was canned, this was some really nice tuna.

“I wish I could give you something else than tuna. You probably eat that all the time.”

 _No, I don’t._ I wanted to say. _Thank you…_

I finished eating fairly quickly. He was still halfway done with his sandwich. For such a big human he sure ate slowly. Outside, I could hear the rain still pouring; the pitter pat against the windows giving a certain vibe of comfort and peace to the home.

When he finally finished his sandwich, he relaxed back into the cushions of the sofa. I remained sitting at his feet and mewled, not knowing what else to do. He patted the spot at his side, beckoning and I leaped at it. I still maintained some distance but…this was nice. In the artificial light of the room, the human’s smile seemed to deflate a little. He seemed really tired but the happiness was still there.

He was so…weird.

“Stay here with me, little fella’”

And I did, curling up on my spot and easily falling asleep to the quiet noises from the human filled box.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up slowly, groggily to the sounds of a door opening. I frowned and yawned, opening my eyes to a quiet room. I could hear the human closing the front door and I stretched languidly with another yawn. It’s been a while since I’ve had such a deep sleep. I glanced over at him and saw him carrying some plastic bags to the kitchen. I smelled the air and caught the scent of something delicious. I looked at the window and noticed that the sun was almost at its highest point.

Just how long have I been sleeping?

I went to the human who was still unpacking the stuff in the bags and mewled up at him. He jumped a little and looked down at me with raised eyebrows- those eyebrows were really thick- but his look of surprise quickly melted into his trademark smile.

“Oh, hey there, little fella’! Didn’t notice you had woken up already! When I left, you were sleeping so soundly I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”

I mewled at him in a shy thank you but of course he couldn’t understand so he just smiled wider. Perhaps he thought I had said something mindless like: tuna.

“We’ll be having lunch soon; I brought some tasty looking chicken.” He then took a metallic bowl, a bag of what looked like sand and some kind of box. He seemed a little hesitant as he then said. “I also brought some cat stuff for you.”

I blinked at him. So it seems. Did he really want me to stay? Did he expect me to stay?

I’m a stray, a street cat. I’m not a housecat whose purpose is to be fattened and cuddled all day long. I could never live like that.

I hope he understands that I’ll have to leave one day…

As if reading my mind, his smile wavered and his gaze seemed almost sad. I felt something odd in my heart at that. He was always smiling, seeing him sad was just…wrong.

I looked down and shuffled a little closer to him. My head gave an almost unnoticeable nudge to his leg. I didn’t really know what I was doing but I just wanted his smile back.

I kept my head down though, waiting for him to kick me away or reprimand me. This was probably a bad idea. One would think I would have learned from the first time…

When after a few seconds nothing happened, I dared to look up at him.

Unwillingly, my tail waved in slight satisfaction when I saw him still unpacking but the sadness was gone.

After he was done, he went to the living room and turned on the human filled box. It lit up with loud, obnoxious human laughter and I looked at it with widened eyes. The human chuckled then and went back to the kitchen.

“You really seem fascinated with the television. Maybe I didn’t have to buy a toy after all.”

I mewled inquisitively but he returned with the box and bag of sand and something else. He put the bag and box aside in a corner and filled the box with the sand. My head tilted, not knowing why the human wanted something like that in his home but my instincts told me I could use something like that.

With some discomfort I concluded that the human was doing this for me.

_Why? Why are you doing this?_

I couldn’t possibly understand why he was going to such lengths just to make me feel comfortable. Why did he pick me up when he heard my pathetic whimpers? Why didn’t he just carry on like all the other humans?

“Little fella’?” I looked up at him startled and found him crouched in front of me. His brows were furrowed in apparent concern. “You looked pretty miserable just then. Are you alright?”

He looked sad again. I felt terrible. He did all of this for me and I couldn’t even keep him smiling. Perhaps I did deserve all the scorn I got.

“This will cheer you up.”

I heard a squeak then and my ears sprung up and swiveled towards the sound. He seemed amused at my reaction and revealed what appeared to be a dead mouse in his hand. The creature was immobile and when he squeezed it, it made the same squeak. I mewled in confusion and raised my paw at it, swatting hesitantly at it.

He gripped it by the tail and waved it at me. I frowned and mewled again; my paw swatting at it with more determination. He would squeeze it from time to time and the squeaks made me want to just squeeze it myself. After a few swats and between the squeaks, there was another sound. It sounded like a ring and was coming from another human device. He raised an eyebrow at it and then turned to me, giving me the squeaking thing.

“Here, play. I’ll be right back.”

I held the mouse in my mouth and my eyes followed him until he disappeared into the kitchen once again. The ringing had stopped and I could hear him talking with the human device. He sounded very serious at the beginning but the tone quickly turned friendly.

I turned to my new toy and laid down with it between my paws. I started munching on it and the squeaking sounds it emitted were surprisingly giving me a considerable amount of satisfaction. This was… fun.

It wasn’t until my ears caught some words that I stopped to listen.

“Oh, the squeaking noise? Haha, about that…I found a stray cat on the street and I just couldn’t leave him there in the cold. He’s staying here with me.” After some seconds of silence-I could faintly hear an excited, loud voice from the human device- the human quickly responded, his talking sounding rushed. “No, no, Hanji, I don’t think that’s a good idea yet. He’s not very trusting and you coming here all of a sudden would just scare him. He barely let me hold him yesterday as it is.”

He looked at me from the entrance of the kitchen then, holding the human device to his ear with a nervous smile. I only blinked at him and munched on the toy, emitting one lone squeak.

After a few more minutes, he seemed to be done talking. He was preparing something in the kitchen-probably the chicken for lunch- and the scent made my stomach rumble. This was usually the time where I would get up and search the marvelous menu of the local garbage cans or hunt the wandering mice. I should be doing that.

But I wasn’t.

It wasn’t long before he came back with a plate and the metallic bowl on each hand. He put the chicken filled bowl in front of me and I licked my chops. It’s been so long since I’ve eaten chicken. Years…

I mewled up at him, this time in a sincere thank you. I was becoming increasingly familiar with the gesture.

And he smiled down at me. His smile was becoming familiar too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you didn't get tired of the word 'smile' xD


	4. Chapter 4

After lunch, the human picked up my empty bowl-I sat near it, my tail wagging happily as I licked my chops in satisfaction- and his own plate and brought them to the kitchen to clean them. I stretched and wiggled my paws on the comfy floor. It was sunny outside and the door to the balcony was ajar, letting in warm rays of sunlight and lighting the whole home. Having a full belly and a spot on the sun was really making me sleepy, even if I had woken up not so long ago. I wish I wasn’t like this but I’ve long got used to my feline laziness and the human was surprisingly tidy and organized. I had a lot of space to settle into.

He came back slinging his backpack on his shoulders and with another metallic bowl on his hand, this time filled with water. He neared the corner I was in and I stood up, sniffing the bowl as he laid it near me.

This human was really something else. Now he was giving me pure, clear water? I really couldn’t think of any way to express just how much this means to me. It’s as if I’ve died and he was my heavenly guardian, finally taking care of my deeply hidden desires.

I mewled up at him and shyly nudged his hand with my head. His skin was really warm and soft. I always found it curious how humans didn’t have any fur covering them besides the one on top of their heads. I always wondered how they coped in the harsh winters but I guess that’s what those layers of fake furs they wore were used for.

He chuckled softly and his hand hovered over my head. I looked up at it curiously but a little weary. I really wanted my instinct to lay low for a little but I’ve just been so used to be always on my guard that it became an old habit. My ears folded down as he hesitantly caressed my head. It was quick and fleeting but it gave me a weird, unknown feeling and my belly tingled with warmth. A rumble was trying to come free from my body at that simple show of affection.

_What is this? What did he just do?_

He still seemed a little unsure but he raised his hand-making me flinch- and did it again, this time a little slower. At that, I couldn’t help but mewl and it came out with a strange purring sound in it.

The human smiled brightly at that.

“I’ll be leaving for college but I won’t be gone for long.” He then stood up from his crouch and walked towards the front door. I followed him, looking up at his blonde head; my tail wagging unconsciously. He turned to me and I sat, mewling up at him inquisitively.

_Where are you going?_

He chuckled then, his smile always gentle as he crouched and caressed my head once again, this time a little less insecure. I closed my eyes. This warmth that this simple gesture transmitted to my lonely little heart…it felt nice…so nice.

I didn’t realize I was almost starved for it. I’ve never really known it but now…I wanted more.

“I won’t be gone for long, little fella’. I should be back in time for dinner.” The telltale sound of the jingle of his weirdly shaped metallic thing had my ears twitching and he inserted it inside the hole on the door, turning it and opening it.

I was hit with the notion that I could just make a run for it. The entrance door of the tower was open and I would just have to run down the stairs before I was out on the streets once again. Back to my old life that I was so used to.

But…looking at the human, giving me a lingering gaze with something akin to affection…I just couldn’t. This was something different but it wasn’t bad.

I will stay. Just a little longer.

“See you soon, little fella’.” And then he shut the door. The dull sound of it closing and him locking it, his footsteps walking down the stairs, told me that my decision had been made. My heart thumped nervously and I looked around in confusion at the empty home. It felt a little weird and perhaps even lonely. He was such a big human and made so much noise. I was quickly noticing how silent the place was without him.

I mewled and the sound of it echoed back to me. I settled for walking towards my established little corner and drank some water from the bowl. It was cold and it felt wonderful. It was so clean. No insects or potential parasites that had me almost thirsting myself in fear.

I looked at the squeaking thing laying on the floor not very far and decided I might as well entertain myself. I set myself in a prowling position, my tail wagging as I narrowed my eyes at it. I imagined that the fake mouse was alive and alert and I hid myself behind the couch, pondering on the best position to take it down. Being a stray, I had perfected my hunting skills and I considered myself one of the most silent killers. The other strays were well aware of that and maybe that was why I had never been bothered.

Strangely, I had never bothered with chasing females either when they were in heat so I never really fought over them. I found those things to be fickle. When all I wanted was to survive, mating was the last thing on my mind. Besides, the other idiots were more than capable of continuing the species with their stupid hissing and puffed up chests. I really didn’t know what the females found attractive in that.

My muscles tensed as I imagined the mouse sniffing the air. This would probably be the best time to strike as the creature would soon catch my scent. I let out a low, almost silent growl and with a mighty leap, I was upon the creature, mercilessly biting its neck and effectively killing it.

Of course, the thing only squeaked.

I laid down with my belly up and my paws played with the fake mouse, my claws digging into it as I brought it to my mouth and munched on it. The lone squeaks reflected my boredom.

When was the human coming back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing this so much x3


	5. Chapter 5

I was still playing when my ears caught the sound of the front door opening. By now, the sun was setting and the home was getting darker. That combined with the hours I spent “hunting” the poor squeaking thing gave me a certain drowsiness. I let go of the toy, dropping it near my corner.

“Little fella’? I’m home!” I heard the human say. He also sounded a bit tired but his tone was still cheerful as he called me. I mewled in greeting and walked towards him. He had another plastic bag on his hand and I wondered what it was this time. He seemed to go hunt for food and things every day. This human was very capable and it gave a nice feeling of security.

Though…I also felt useless.

I had done nothing all day besides playing with a stupid squeaking fake mouse while he ventured outside, doing what he had to do. Who knows what things he had seen? What stories he had to tell?

Some humans were really stupid. They had unnecessary behavior and worried over useless things all the time. I’ve seen the worst of some of them. They could kill over stupid shit, brawl with their own flesh and blood and easily descend to the most primitive state. They emitted weird, complicated sounds that made my head hurt, especially when they yelled at me.

They were big, scary and mad creatures.

But I was lucky enough to be witnessing to one of the exceptions. This human actually seemed smart. He has showed me nothing but kindness and patience. He didn’t get mad easily. He wasn’t just a big brute who destroyed everything he touched.

I could almost think he was not human. His smile was too pure.

I wouldn’t fool myself though. He was human through and through.

I mewled in surprise, still not used to his touch, when he put his backpack and plastic bag away and crouched, caressing my head tenderly. I unconsciously leaned against his fingers, wanting for this moment to linger.

This was also different. No human had ever given me this. It was as if this simple gesture created a bond between us, something that was unique and untouchable. We were trusting each other: he was giving me something I’m sure he didn’t give often-he was too smart for that- and I was letting him.

I dared to shuffle a little closer to him, letting out a purring mewl. He chuckled, his fingers shifting to scratch behind my ears and my eyes closed in bliss; my tail waving energetically.

“Missed me, did you?” I simply answered him with another mewl. I opened my eyes a sliver, not wanting to miss his gentle smile. “I missed you too.”

Something about those words made me so warm it almost hurt. It was welling up inside me, threatening to burst. I wanted him to know how grateful but also scared I was. And it was frustrating that all I could do was mewl- something that he simply thought endearing and cute.

I wanted him to understand just how much he was doing for me.

So I couldn’t help but feel disheartened when his hand pulled away and he turned to his unpacking his stuff again. I only sat there helplessly, staring up at him work.

He turned to me with what looked like a comfy looking pillow and fluffed it, going to my corner with it. I followed him out of curiosity and watched him fluff it before setting it there. He then disappeared inside a room I hadn’t been in yet-I imagined it was where he slept- to return with an even comfier looking blanket. He folded it neatly since it was a bit big and set it nicely on the pillow. He had successfully made a really nice little bed.

He seemed proud of it, crossing his strong arms and grinning brightly. He looked down at me and urged me to it.

“What do you think, little fella’? How about you try it?” I mewled hesitantly but complied, compelled by him nodding towards the makeshift bed. I stepped on it, testing it with my paws before turning several times. The blanket felt soft and warm underneath my paws. I would never shiver ever again.

After finally setting on a good position-facing him- I laid down. My paws groped the material and my claws raked through it gently. It was perfect.

He seemed satisfied too, giving a pleased hum.

“Seems about right. Now you don’t have to sleep on the floor anymore.”

My ears twitched at the mention of the word ‘floor’. He thought I had been uncomfortable? The floor of the living room was comfy and warm not hard and cold like the one in the kitchen. But he still bothered in getting me something even comfier to sleep in, despite me being just fine.

I wouldn’t complain though. He was quickly escalating in my list of favorite people. Which only consisted in him and the nice old lady-bless that woman wherever she is.

I decided to stay there, looking up at him. I felt so comfortable, not to mention sleepy, and for once I didn’t feel hungry. Lunch had been plentiful and I could still taste the meaty chicken in my mouth.

He chuckled once again at me, seemingly amused.

“I’m glad that you liked it so much.” He then turned to the kitchen, walking away. “I have some work to do so I might skip dinner. Need to talk to Hanji about our project…”

He was talking to himself by now, his deep voice fading. He quickly unpacked all the stuff he had brought, putting it in their respective places and then went to his bedroom. My eyes were dropping-the warmth around me and the noises he was making were giving me a sense of security. It was weird. Never in my life had I felt secure anywhere. I was always under the constant pressure of danger, be it dumbass, proud males that wanted to establish territory or mean humans who wanted to defend theirs.

Not to mention stray dogs. I whimpered in remembrance. My hind leg still throbbed in pain sometimes when I walked. Running away from them hadn’t been fun.

The human came back with a strange box and the ringing device from before. He had changed to softer looking clothes that I guessed were for sleeping. It was decorated with what looked like tiny kittens. I wanted to snort.

It was oddly endearing though.

He opened the strange box- it was divided in half- and one of the sides lit up. I was too sleepy to bother but it was indeed curious. It reminded me of the other box filled with tiny humans.

He clicked on some buttons in the ringing device and put it up to his ear. As he waited, he patted the spot near him on the couch and despite me being tired, I perked up at that. With a little more confidence I leaped at it and his hand settled on my head, caressing it absentmindedly and stroking my ears now and then.

It’s not like the bed wasn’t appreciated. But this was much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this might seem like pointless fluff :c Things will start to get interesting pretty soon! (new people will appear *hint hint*) x3


	6. Chapter 6

The next day I woke up to complete silence. I looked around the room, finding myself still in the couch and the light coming from the window was still dim. From here I could see the beginnings of the sunrise. I yawned and leaped down the couch, stretching myself. The human had probably moved sometime in the night to his bedroom but the weird box he had been using rested open in the couch. The side of it was still lit up and there were those weird human inscriptions inside.

I went to my corner and drank some water, licking my fangs at the refreshing feeling and gazed at the view from the large window that led to a balcony. It was actually breathtaking as I neared it. It had a view of most of the city that stretched into those powerful looking towers but the beginnings of the sea could be seen too, stretching majestically in the breaches of the horizon. I blinked sluggishly, still half asleep and wondered if this was actually the first time I was appreciating something as simple as the beauty of the dawn. Not even a week ago I would probably be awake and ready to hunt for breakfast, having much more to worry about than stopping to see the sunrise.

This was really happening…

I gave a soft mewl in confusion, my eyes catching the fake mouse near my makeshift bed and pondered on playing with it again.

No, I’ll leave that for later.

I felt a deep sense of loss now that the human was probably still asleep. If it were later, he would most likely be giving me my food while being his usual noisy self, announcing his waking up to the whole home. But I was just a small cat and this was not really my home and there was only so much I could do. I didn’t want to be selfish but I wish he would just wake up already.

I was being unfair, I knew. This would probably give me a well deserved kick to the rear but I couldn’t stop myself as I stealthily made my way to that one room I hadn’t been in yet.

My head kept making excuses: that if I would stay here for some time then I should be acquainted with all the areas, right?

I was still being selfish. But my hope was fueled by the gentleness and kindness this human has showed to me so far. Surely, this will be just a minor intrusion…

As I faced the wooden simple door to it-it was left ajar, giving me no excuses to turn back- I could hear faint but deep snoring coming from inside. Ah…he was really still sleeping.

It was foolish but my nervousness made everything look even bigger. The furniture was enormous and the bed looked as unreachable as the slumbering giant laying on it. The floor was also of the comfy type and I was thankful for that as it made my steps silent. I held back my mewls as I softly made my way around the bed. I stretched my neck and caught a glimpse of the human’s blonde hair spreading messily on the pillow and something about that made my chest warm. I tried leaping at the bed and cursed my small stature. It was ridiculous how I was a fully grown adult-young but still an adult- and I was barely bigger than a kitten. Before I had never really minded this unfortunate reality as my small stature provided me a far superior agility and the ability to reach places that not every creature could, plus mouse and other tiny prey feared me as there was no place small enough to hide from me on the cruel streets.

But right now…it was a blunder, an obstacle. The loftiness of the bed taunted me. I would never be able to reach the human like this.

I wouldn’t give up so easily though. I looked around, looking for something that would help get up there and my eyes landed on the bedside table. It was lower than the bed and one of the drawers was half shut, providing me something to climb on. I carefully made my way to it, testing the drawer to see if it wouldn’t move to my weight-although that would be unlikely since I was lighter than most cats- and climbed on it. The muscles of my hind legs tensed in preparation and with one smooth leap, I managed to climb to the top of the table. Now I only had a small gap to leap in order to reach the bed. From here, I had a better view of the human and I felt slightly amused at the awkward pose he was sleeping in. He had probably kicked the blankets away in the middle of the night and now they tangled messily around his legs.

I easily leaped to the bed now and the fabric of the sheets felt cool and soft beneath my paws. I shyly approached the sleeping human and blinked when I was close enough to feel his warm, heavy breath on my muzzle. I couldn’t help but mewl softly then and I shuffled a little closer, getting a clear view of his face.

He almost looked angelic. When he was awake he always seemed calm and happy but there was always something that still made stress lines appear now and then. Now, with his blue eyes closed and his mouth half open, snoring lowly and in this awkward, almost childish position, he seemed more like an innocent giant, almost…vulnerable.

He didn’t seem scary or intimidating…at all.

I looked at his face with a certain kind of wonder. I had never seen a human like this. They always seemed so defensive, so violent and even when this human took me in, I still felt this sort of fear of getting too close, of being in his way. But now it was as if it was luring me to just share this vulnerability with him. I was probably being very stupid right now and I would probably hit myself over it when he kicked me out but I still dared to get close. My pink little nose softly brushed against his cheek and it was probably the startling contrast between the wet and cold feel of it against the human’s warm skin that made him frown and groan. My eyes widened in fright, scared that he would be mad since I obviously had woken him. I foolishly mewled in fear, my ears tugged down as well as my tail and waited for the punishment.

He was torturously slow, opening his huge and white toothed mouth in a tired yawn-I cringed at that- and willing his blue eyes to open a sliver. He still looked half awaked when he caught sight of the black ball of fur that was me.

“…Little fella’?” He asked, his hand raising. I mewled pleadingly and closed my eyes but instead of the sharp sting of a hit, I felt the familiar warmth of a caress on my head and I unwillingly leaned into it. I have never felt so relieved.

I heard his chuckle, rough and throaty as he gently ruffled my fur and I dared to approach him again, now facing directly his face. I was unaware when he leaned to check on some device on his bedside table, groaning in disappointment. His arm was enclosing on me and I was now facing his kitten pajama clad chest and I looked up at him in curiosity as he passed a hand across his face tiredly. He faced me then with eyebrows furrowed and a sleepy gaze.

“It’s barely seven in the morning, buddy. What’s up, can’t sleep?”

I only mewled at him in apology and after some hesitation, nuzzled at his jaw. He snorted as my whiskers tickled him and pulled me closer. This felt so nice…

“How about we sleep a little more, hum? Close our eyes and…” His voice faded away then as he laid back down on his side and allowed me to snuggle close to his chest. His arm was still draped loosely around me and once again this feeling of security had me closing my eyes too. I was most likely the luckiest cat around to have been found by such a kind human…

He was snoring softly again and I was just about to surrender myself to deep sleep when loud and repetitive banging noises had both of us jumping, startled. My little heart was threatening to explode with how fast it was beating and the human cursed loudly, his body tensed as he stared at the half open door of his bedroom.

The loud banging was coming from the entrance door though and it wouldn’t stop.

“Erwiiiiin! Wake your ass up! I’m heeeeere!” A voice sang from outside and I shivered. The human didn’t seem happy about it too.

He had peered at the time telling device on his bedside table again, just to make sure of the time, before he groaned.

“Goddamnit, Hanji, why the hell are you here so early?!” He muttered.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know who this Hanji person was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanji is here! <3
> 
> (Sorry if there are any mistakes by the way x.x )


	7. Chapter 7

I mewled questioningly at the human as he sat up fully, the covers sliding down his body as he groaned.

“Erwiiiiiiiiin!” The voice whined. Whoever that was, they were unbearably loud. The human narrowed his eyes at the door and a shiver wrecked my spine. Was he…was he mad?

I didn’t like to see him mad.

“In a second, Hanji!” I backed away unconsciously as his voice boomed at the door and the banging stopped. He looked at me then and though he still looked annoyed, his expression softened and he gave a quick caress on my head before he got up.

The banging started once again and I hissed at the door, annoyed too.

“That second has passed, Erwiiiin!” I jumped down the bed and followed the human as he growled at the voice’s whining tone. I stayed behind him as he gave large steps out of the bedroom to the entrance door. He fumbled a little with the lock before he opened it with one swift movement and a body barreled into him, brushing him out of the way so they could get in.

“Hey, Erwin! Nice pajamas!”

This human sure looked weird. Acted weird. Even moved weird. I wasn’t sure what their gender was so I’m going to refer to them as ‘they’. Their hair was of a reddish color, a little lighter and messy looking, held up in a ponytail. Their messy bangs brushed against thick looking glasses indicating that this human had difficulty in seeing. They walked gracefully enough though their arms were full of what looked like papers, some of them crumpled in the not so careful way they handled them and were covered in those human inscriptions. They were also carrying a backpack-which could barely be closed as it was bursting at the seams with books- and they didn’t hesitate in dumping it on the couch as they started fumbling with the papers.

The other human, _my_ human-

…Did I really call him mine?

Nonsense. I wasn’t stupid; I noticed how the weird human kept calling him ‘Erwin’ so I figured that must be his name.

_Erwin_ -the name sounded weird in my mind- still looked frustrated as he just stood, watching them making themselves comfortable and he just closed the door and made his way towards them. I kept myself carefully hidden behind him-it wasn’t that hard since I was small- and watched them interact.

“Hanji, we agreed to meet at the café at 4 pm for this.” He gestured to the papers this Hanji person was still trying to ‘tame’ as they looked at them with excessive interest. They waved a dismissive hand at Erwin.

“Oh relax, Erwin.” They turned towards him then with that ever present excitement- if Erwin seemed to be always smiling then Hanji seemed to be always excited- and continued. “Besides, I already did my part of the project AND I found some pretty interesting extra stuff! I couldn’t possibly wait until 4 pm!”

Erwin seemed confused, his thick eyebrows furrowed as he accepted one of the papers Hanji was offering him. “But…we were only given the assignment two days ago and we agreed on the main topic yesterday.”

He then seemed to reach a conclusion as he looked at Hanji disapprovingly, his lips twitching down. Hanji only shrugged with a nonchalant look on their face.

“I don’t have time to sleep, Erwin. Knowledge awaits!” They sat back down on the couch and Erwin rolled his eyes as he gave them the paper he was holding back. He gave one big yawn as he shuffled his way to the kitchen and started fumbling with some sort of machine that made a weird dripping noise. Black liquid was filling the container beneath. I was still following him and I mewled at him lowly-so the other human wouldn’t hear- wondering if he was going to drink that foul looking thing. He only smiled sleepily.

“Want some coffee, Hanji?” He asked loudly as I sat close to his leg, watching him work.

“Sure!” The other human answered from the living room. Erwin pulled out another cup and poured the black liquid on it too. It was steaming and my nose twitched as I inhaled its scent. It didn’t smell bad. Erwin walked with it back to the living room, handing a cup to Hanji-who accepted it but their eyes didn’t stray from the papers. I found that quite rude though Erwin didn’t seem to mind as he sipped on his own drink. He didn’t sit down, opting for looming over Hanji, his blue eyes roving with some sort of curiosity over what they had brought.

After a few seconds in silence, he hummed in surprise. “You weren’t kidding.”

Hanji only scoffed, seemingly insulted. “Who do you think I am, fool?!” Their playful smile remained though.

For someone who had made such a loud entrance, Hanji had calmed down significantly once they had sat down with their papers. There was something about Hanji that scream a thirst for knowledge and a voracious hunger for life. I admit I never met any human like that either. They always seemed so monotonous, almost resembling the odd devices they created themselves; giving themselves one purpose, one goal and look bitterly at all the other things. But Hanji was definetly different.

Then again, it’s not like I was any human expert so maybe they weren’t actually anything special.

I had decided to settle back in the corner opposite to my usual one so I wouldn’t be revealed to them and curled around myself, bored. With Erwin’s attention on Hanji and whatever they were doing I had pretty much lost my want to sleep once again and was now left with nothing to do. Not wanting to draw the newcomer’s attention didn’t really help too.

Roughly ten minutes had passed and I was looking at the ceiling by now, laying on my back and swatting my paws at invisible flies when I heard Hanji suddenly speaking.

“Erwin!” They threw the papers in the air and Erwin jumped startled, putting his almost empty cup of coffee away and scrambling to grab the papers. He looked at Hanji wide eyed as they stood up, gesturing excitedly.

“Where’s your new little friend?! I can’t believe I almost forgot about it!” Erwin suddenly seemed distressed about that and I couldn’t help but foolishly mewl in confusion.

The sound was low but one of Hanji’s ears twitched at it and they turned swiftly, their glasses almost glinting in the sun as they set on me. They squealed, giving large steps towards me and my ears tucked down in fear. They were really tall-not as tall as Erwin- but still tall. Erwin was hurriedly putting the papers away as he tried to stop them but it was too late. They crouched in front of me and their hand raised over me. They smelled, talked, moved and looked different than Erwin.

They were a stranger.

I couldn’t help it. I saw red and the only thing on my mind was to get that hand away from me.

_Not again! Get away from me!_

 I hissed in warning but when I only got an excited, almost crazy grin in return, my fur stood, I bared my fangs and swiftly swiped my claws across the soft flesh of their hand.

I kept hissing as Hanji drew back her hand in surprise, cradling it. The silence was thick as Erwin cringed in the back. Four gashes bled on their hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you know Hanji, there won't be any drama over that. I mean, come on, it's Hanji (they get themselves inside a Titan's mouth) c:
> 
> Poor Levi will definetly feel bad though :(


	8. Chapter 8

“Hanji!”

I winced, my eyes darting all over the room, my tongue flicking over my nose nervously as I watched Erwin stomp over to us. My claws were stuck to the pillow as I forced myself to calm down. It was so hard though…

My whole body was tense with adrenaline. It’s been a while since I’ve hurt anybody and I suddenly felt this deep nausea building up inside me as Erwin knelt down to check Hanji’s hand. They surprised him then, their widened eyes never leaving mine. Their grin suddenly returned, something twinkled in their eyes-as if they found what they were looking for- and in the silence of the room their full blown laughs echoed.

Erwin recoiled somewhat at their reaction, completely oblivious to the thin string of blood threatening to drop on the floor and raised one thick eyebrow as Hanji swatted his hand with their good one dismissively.

“I’m fine, Erwin! They’re just scratches.” They leaned closer to me then and I hissed again. Erwin gave them a warning glance. Hanji only kept their almost maniacal grin.

“I like him. He doesn’t take shit from anybody.”

Erwin maintained his intimidating frown, seemingly still quite upset and this irrational fear made me want to just disappear. He was mad with me, wasn’t he? Couldn’t even have other humans in his own home without me going psycho on them.

Hanji analyzed the deep scratches with a sick kind of interest, as if observing one of those weird experiments humans like to do. Erwin had stood up to go get something and returned with a wet towel, some weird looking bottle and a colorful looking band aid. Hanji set to clean the bloody hand carefully. They looked at me with a sly smirk, adjusting their seemingly always crooked glasses.

“Sharp claws you got there, buddy. This is stinging like a bitch.”

They didn’t seem in pain though. In fact, they just seemed excited, like always.

I felt my body relax a bit but the feeling of dread still remained. Erwin was chillingly silent, his brows creased thoughtfully as his blue eyes followed Hanji’s tending on her scratches.

 _He’s going to kick me out…_ I whimpered, desperately wanting to hide myself in the deepest hole just so I wouldn’t ever get to see him angry again. I wish he would just get over with it than letting me suffer in anxiety. Hurting his friend was unforgivable.

At my pathetic sound, his eyes snapped towards me as if startled. With a gasp, still kneeling next to Hanji, he shuffled closer to me and I tried hard not to react, not even make a sound but my fur stood on end, already anticipating him to punish me. Already backed into the wall, I could only curl further into myself as he slowly raised his hand. His mouth twitched downwards as I just closed my eyes tight, trembling with the want to defend myself from him too.

_No. I deserve this._

The all too familiar feeling of his caresses made me want to howl. Why was he doing this? Hit me! Kick me! Shout at me! I hurt your friend, hurt me!

I couldn’t take this. His mercy scared me more than any kind of violence. I didn’t deserve him.

I jerked my head away from his hand, opening my eyes to his disheartened gaze. He moved a little closer then, his hand still trying to reach me.

“Hey…come on, little fella’…everything is alright…”

He was _cooing_. Fucking cooing. I gave a scared mewl, looking between him and the cheery looking Hanji. Not knowing what to do, I truly hated myself as I hissed pathetically at his stubborn hand. He jerked it back in surprise, looking at me in disbelief as I took the chance to bolt out of there. His room was the only place that came to my mind and I remembered the huge bed there. I hid beneath it effortlessly and curled up in the darkest corner.

“Damn it, Hanji, why did you do that?! I told you he wasn’t very trusting; he’s a stray for God’s sake!” A sigh. The he continued. “…Did you see the way he looked at me?”

“Hey, don’t go blaming yourself, Erwin, now you’re just being ridiculous. He’s a cat, just give him some time to recover from us crazy ass humans.” Hanji then continued in a softer voice, almost like a pouting child. “I admit I _was_ a bit careless.”

Erwin clicked his tongue and I heard a few shuffling sounds. There was some silence and my trembling body had calmed somewhat. My breathing evened out and I finally felt normal once again. This event had brought out the worst of me; something that I thought had been buried deep inside a long time ago. I wish I could take it all back, I wish I wasn’t just a stupid cat and I could treat Hanji’s wound and apologize to them, to Erwin…

I disappointed him. After all the kindness he has shown to me- and still shows, for some fucking reason- this is how I pay him. And me hissing at him would probably be the equal to spitting to his face, were I human.

_I’m nothing. What am I doing here? I don’t belong with humans…_

“Hanji…” My ears twitched as they unwillingly searched for his deep voice. I whimpered lowly at the heavy sadness of his tone. Shit…I don’t want to hear this.

“Hanji, I know strays are not trusting by nature but…something really bad must have happened to that cat…” The silence was almost suffocating and the words were too complex for me to understand but I knew he was talking about me. I didn’t want him to be sad when talking about me…

I heard Hanji hum thoughtfully, probably done tending to the scratches on their hand. “There’s something about him…before he clawed my hand his eyes had looked scared but also wild. That cat had lost himself for a few seconds. It was instinctive.”

I could almost feel their half smile on their words. “He must have had a really harsh life.”

I startled as I suddenly heard footsteps around the house. “I think he ran off to my bedroom.”

The half open door creaked open softly and I could see Erwin’s bare feet from my hiding spot underneath the bed. He padded carefully around the room, looking behind the door and wardrobe.

“Little fella’…?” I curled further into myself, hoping I could just disappear. Not yet. Please let me stay just a little longer…

It took him a while but he suddenly padded back towards the bed after looking in other places and dropped to his knees. I gave a low mewl as he leaned down, his head peeking at the space beneath the bed where I was hidden. His blue eyes roved across the dark spaced before they settled on me with a relieved sigh.

He smiled then, gentle and kind like always.

“There you are! You sure blend quite well with the darkness with that fur of yours.” He chuckled lightly but after a few seconds where I didn’t dare to move, his smile dropped and he sighed.

“Little fella’, please…please come out. I’m sorry. I should have stopped Hanji.” He chuckled bitterly then, murmuring to himself. "I'm talking to a cat."

Whatever he was saying, his pleading gaze and tone only made me hate myself even more. He sounded so pathetic, so helpless, calling out to me like a wounded animal. But humans were cunning. What if he was only being like this to lure me out and then finally kick me out?

I knew I sure deserved it but I was also very selfish and I didn’t want to leave this home yet. I didn’t want to leave Erwin. Not anymore.

I only mewled hesitantly in response, a hiss threatening to burst out but I contained it. He patted the floor as a beckoning and in an impulse, I started inching towards him. My ears tugged back as I kept licking my fangs nervously.

One more step and my paw would be touching his hand. His smile returned then, although he still seemed sad. He raised his hand slowly, putting it in front of my nose and I sniffed it cautiously, getting reacquainted with his scent. I liked his scent: he smelled clean but also natural; I could detect faint traces of that black liquid’s pleasant scent too.

I looked at him and nudged his hand shyly, testing to see if he was mad.

“Everything is alright, little fella’…”

I mewled questioningly and as he backed away, I finally got out from beneath the bed. My tail flicked nervously as he still knelt on the floor, his big hand caressing my ears and patting my head tenderly. His gaze was warm and I leaned towards his touch in surrender.

_Please don’t leave me…_

“I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’re safe.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. The word “safe” sounded foreign to me but the way he had said it made it sound like it had been the best thing he could have ever said to me.

_I truly don’t deserve you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it wasn't too angsty. Just wanted to add some seriousness :p Really sorry for the late update!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Animal Cruelty and Animal Death/Character Death ahead!

_I wasn’t always alone._

_It was years ago and I was just a young kitten- the equivalent of a human’s teenage years, I suppose. Full of life and energy, curious to discover the world. I believed in my freedom and when I ran across the streets effortlessly, the soft evening breeze caressing my dark fur, I felt like I could do anything. Nothing could stop me._

_Nothing could stop us._

_The “wilderness” of the city was our playground and we knew it like the back of our paws already, having explored every corner, knowing every good resting spot, every contested and dangerous territory among the bigger and older cats-which we stayed away from- and the best hunting ground for the fattest, healthiest prey this human world could offer._

_I was at one of those spots, playing with my freshly caught meal, munching lazily on the poor and unsuspecting mouse’s neck-I always gave my prey a quick and effective death. Though it was meaty enough and the taste wasn’t repulsive, I sighed with longing as I recalled the last time I had managed to snatch away a big juicy fish from a distracted human’s shopping bag. It had been one of the best meals we ever had._

_“Big brother!”_

_My head raised up lazily as I looked at the youngest of our trio, Isabel, perched on a window sill and licking her bloodied fangs from her last kill. She was surprisingly smaller than me-she was female after all- but I noticed she was growing up fast. One day she will surpass me for sure. Her auburn fur was matted with mud and I sneered at that. Her wide green eyes seemed oblivious to my disapproval though, shining with admiration. She leaped down from her spot and sat down beside me, her furry ears twitching as she watched me eat. I gave her a bored look and she simply waved her fluffy tail, simply happy in having me acknowledge her. I snorted, feeling my stoic demeanor crack under her constant cheeriness._

_After I finished with my meal, I sat up and started cleaning my paw. She was still staring at me and, finally having enough, I mewled annoyed._

_“Go clean yourself. You reek of dead rat.”_

_She was all too used to my harsh remarks and she only seemed even happier at that. It was infuriating. She inched closer to me sheepishly and I narrowed my eyes at her but was satisfied when she sat down and started cleaning herself._

_That mud was really getting on my nerves though._

_Looking around, I noticed a pond of rainwater close enough to her and I contained any kind of mocking expression as I slowly inched closer to her. She didn’t seem to notice, now too focused on her paw and leg and I ended the distance between us. When our shoulders brushed, she looked at me inquisitively and I only mewled innocently at her in an unintelligent way._

_She always made it so easy._

_In one quick shove, she was caught off guard and fell into the pond with a loud ‘splash’. My body shook with mirth as a devilish curl stretched my mouth line subtly. Her surprised yowl was priceless. She immediately jumped up from the chilling cold water, her fur wet and sticking to her body…but at least it was clean now. From the distance, I could hear our other companion giving an amused mewl._

_“Big brother! Why did you do that?!” She whined, shaking the water off like a dog. Her claws were sticking out as she cringed. I only resumed my cleaning, looking bored again._

_“You were filthy.”_

_She frowned and stuck her tongue out at me. We then heard the same amused mewl once again and she huffed._

_“We can hear you, Farlan!”_

_Our other companion revealed himself then, turning down the corner holding his own prey with his mouth. He looked at us with mirth but also warmly. His dirty blonde fur glistened in the fading rays of sun as he neared us, dropping his meal and laid down as he started to eat._

_Isabel started to look at him with a twinkle in her eye but he promptly ignored her- learned from the best- and kept munching on his food. She wasn’t defeated though. She laid down right in front of him and turned on her belly, her eyes crossing as she tried to annoy him._

_“Grumpy butt was first today.” She mewled matter-of-factly. I glared at her. That nickname was ridiculous._

_But since I didn’t have a name like both of them, they had to resort to distasteful nicknames. I wasn’t really familiar with this concern of having a name but according to them, it was a human thing. When I met them, they were huddled up in a card box, shivering in the cold though they tried to warm each other. I had led them to a warm abandoned place I knew about, right behind the huge towers next to the local park. I had given them food and the next day they were strong enough to speak and the first thing they did was introduce themselves as Isabel and Farlan, the names their human owners had given to them before they had been discarded like trash on the street._

_I can’t even understand why they cling so desperately to them, the only thing those humans had given them. The constant reminder that they hadn’t really meant anything._

_Isabel was still nagging Farlan, poking at his buttons as he still calmly munched._

_“I was second.” She seemed very satisfied with that. I already knew what she was doing._

_“You know what that means?” She pressed on._

_Farlan spared her a glance, deciding to indulge her because she obviously found happiness in these small things._

_“What, Isabel?” I could see his almost unnoticeable smirk._

_“That you were last! Loooooser!” She bellowed in mirth, giving a nudge at Farlan’s muzzle with her paw and he hissed playfully at her, standing up as she bolted away and chasing after her._

_I just sat there watching them run in circles like fools. Farlan eventually caught up to her and pounced on her, rolling and tumbling with the momentum until they stilled and nipped playfully at each other’s throats and ears._

_I rolled my eyes and made my way to them._

_“Actually…” They stilled in an awkward pose as I mewled at them. Isabel was pressing a paw right on Farlan’s eye-who had closed it tightly- and had her mouth tugging on one of his ears. They both looked up at me in curiosity. They always looked up to me…_

_My ears twitched in amusement as I continued. “Since I won…I’m the one who tells what we’ll be doing tonight.”_

_Their eyes sparkled with excitement._

 

* * *

 

_“This is gonna be so fun, big brother!” Isabel almost purred, running ahead of me. She knew the way to the park by heart by now and having a night of fun there, when the humans were in their homes and wouldn’t bother us was something she always looked forward too._

_I admitted I was feeling slightly giddy too. Ever since I met them, they’ve been somebody I could be a kitten with, to enjoy myself like I should. I don’t think I remember the feeling of loneliness anymore._

_For that, they had my eternal gratitude._

_What would we do first? Play in the fountain? Mess with the pigeons? Race each other? The options were endless._

_As we arrived, Isabel almost hopped in her giddiness, her ears straight up and twitching with excitement, probably on the lookout for some pigeons to chase. Me and Farlan caught up to her and I glanced momentarily at the fountain, the sound of the water running gently soothing me. The nightly breeze was pleasant and fresh and the park was seemingly empty of humans. It would have looked eerie and abandoned if not for the good memories this place brought to us and the ones to come._

_In my distraction, I wasn’t paying attention to the others and I was startled when I bumped into Farlan, who stood still as a statue beside Isabel. His body was tense and his ears were tugged back making me instantaneously stiffen. Isabel was tilting her head in curiosity, her eyes twitching and her body visibly still relaxed. I fought the urge to put hiss as I noticed where they were looking at._

_A human was staring back at us. It was visibly a male, of a regular size with filthy looking furs that humans usually covered their bodies with. He had a messy looking appearance over all but what really put me on alert was the crazed look in his large glazed eyes._

_Something was not right with this human. His whole stance screamed danger. He also looked really thin and malnourished. It was almost…sad. He was clearly starving. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a human hunt…_

_“K-kitty cat…” He mumbled. His voice was raspy and both mine and Farlan’s fur stood at the sound of it. His shaky hands desperately buried inside his furs then, seemingly searching for something before he pulled what seemed to be a piece of dried meat._

_Isabel’s tail waved in interest._

_The human cackled in satisfaction as he held it in his hand before he slowly started approaching us. Isabel’s tail started wagging as the smell of the meat came closer._

_“Big brother! Is he going to give that meat to us? This human is so generous!” She mewled lowly at me but I maintained skeptical about it. This human reeked of second intentions._

_“Humans don’t work that way.” Farlan hissed._

_The human started waving the piece in front of us as he stopped a few meters in front of us. He crouched and showed an ugly grin, taunting us with the piece of meat._

_It did smell good but this was most likely a trick. Still, Isabel drooled and started inching closer, absolutely lured by it. The human seemed happy with that._

_“Isabel, wait!” Farlan hissed again, moving to stop her. She ignored him and mewled inquisitively at the human who only kept grinning and waving his meat._

_“Want a treat, kitty cat? Heeere, come get it, kitty cat.”_

_My instincts screamed at me when Isabel finally reaches the human and makes a move to bite at the meat. Everything seems to stop then as the human in one quick move grabs her by her neck and stands up._

_"Gotcha!"_

_“Fuck, Isabel!” Farlan yowls and springs to action, leaping and latching onto the human’s arm and biting viciously into it, bringing up his claws to hold himself too and blood starts pouring. The human yelled in pain and shook his arm while at the same time holding Isabel’s neck in a crushing grip._

_Her eyes were so wide they seemed to be popping out of their sockets and I could hear the faint crack of her frail little bones giving in. I could hear the poor excuse of yowls of pain she let out as she tried to even breathe, choking to death._

_I was frozen in place, watching that horror unfold. I couldn’t do anything. Her life…was slipping away like sand from her gaze…her sparkling green eyes were glazed with pain…_

_“Big…” A wheeze and then another pained whine. “…brother…”_

_Her neck couldn’t handle anymore under the pressure of the human’s crushing grip and with one loud and final snap, it broke and she hung limp._

_“Isabel…?” I whined._

_The human let out a beastly shout and with another powerful shake of his arm, Farlan couldn’t hold on anymore. His bluish grey eyes had been set on Isabel’s limp form, widened with shock and terror as he let out a bloodcurdling howl, thrown away and hitting with brutal force against a tree._

_He laid limp then too. The spot in the bark where he had hit was painted with blood._

_My eyes couldn’t look away._

_“Farlan…?” He wouldn’t move. His eyes were open wide, frozen in that terrified look._

_The human was grumbling now, looking at his wound on his arm._

_“Hope this won’t become infected…bloody cats.” He then leered at Isabel’s body with a sick, hungry look. “At least I’ll have dinner tonight.”_

_I snapped._

_Growling low, I turned and my muscles tensed. He didn’t seem to notice me-it was dark and my fur blended in, something that had served me well in my hunts- and I bolted swiftly to him, gaining impulse and launching myself to his face._

_He yelled in pain once again as I clawed and bit at any flesh I could find, feeling his blood on my mouth and fighting the urge to gag._

_Revenge! I want revenge! He took them away from me! Suffer! Suffer, you despicable beast!_

_I was small though. Weak. Powerless. Young. After the human recovered from the shock, he cursed at me and raised his free hand to grab my torso roughly. His large hand engulfed it entirely and I was hit with my own mortality. I saw death in front of me when he hurled me away, just like he had with Farlan and I hit the floor with a dry thud, feeling something break inside of me. I howled in pain and as he stomped towards me with his bloody arm and face, I thought it was the end._

_He kicked me twice and I couldn’t even stand up, couldn’t even try to run away. I thought it was the end…_

_He deemed it enough when my throat was too hoarse and only helpless squeaky yowls escaped me. He turned, Isabel being carried like a rag doll by her neck and walked away._

_The last thing I saw before I slipped into unconsciousness was Farlan’s wide lifeless eyes staring right at me. I was sure they were telling me how useless I was._

_I let them die._

_I killed them._

_I am alone again._

 

* * *

 

“…Little fella…?” A soft, deep voice called from the depths of my fitful sleep. I felt sickish, too hot and soaked in sweat. A gentle touch was shaking me awake and with a small, weak mewl, I responded back to him. I forced my eyes to open and for a second, Erwin’s blue eyes had switched to catlike green…then to bluish grey.

He smiled, scratching behind my ears as kneeled beside me. “Bad dream?”

I laid my head back down and forced the images out of my head.

I wish it had been just a bad dream…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry :( This was the worst chapter I've ever had to write. Hope it wasn't too heavy.
> 
> [cat Isabel](http://www.loxly.com/kittens/bob.jpg)
> 
> [cat Farlan](https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2474/3605445004_b51a5bec59.jpg)


	10. Chapter 10

As I slowly woke up, I could still see their faces, the look in their eyes. It’s been a while since I’ve dreamt of them…of that day. I wish I could dream of the happier times. I wish I could forget that human’s face, their expressions of fear, the excruciating pain deep inside me, a pain that struck far beyond any physical one. This guilt has been eating away at me ever since and every time sleep made me remember, a piece of me died with them.

I wish it had been different. I wish it had been me instead.

I was feeling so nauseous. The imagery, the smells, the sickening sounds of killing were making me gag and on wobbly legs I stood up but could only manage a couple of steps before I couldn’t stand it anymore and promptly threw up anything that was left on my stomach. The acidic, pungent scent of vomit made me feel light headed. The scent made me remember the morning after that day, when I miraculously woke up sore and miserable yet blissfully hoping it had been just a nightmare.

It hadn’t. _It was still too early for there to be a lot of humans around and because of that, Farlan’s body was still in front of me, his magnificent fur that he was so proud of had lost its shine and it was matted with blood. Flies had already started to gather around him and I helplessly swatted at them as I whimpered, nuzzling at his neck, still hoping for a pulse, anything…_

_Dead. Truly dead. Gone._

_No more Farlan._

_I didn’t even want to think about Isabel…_

_I gave a weak howl, rough and sorrowful and choked up on nausea. Thankfully I had had the time to turn away before I puked my guts out on top of Farlan._

_Like he probably couldn’t hate me more._

_But that was a foolish thought because he would have to be alive to hate me._

_I had no choice but to hate myself for them. It should have been me. This was all my fault._

“Little fella’!” I looked up, blinking my hazed eyes as Erwin walked to me, still clad in his pajamas. His worried gaze shifted to the small puddle of vomit and he wrinkled his nose.

Please, give up on me. I’m not worth anything.

Yet…

Please, don’t leave me. You’re the only one I have left.

“Oh, little fella’…” He sighed, still looking sleepy but his eyes seemed clearer now that he saw what I had done. “Hold on, I’ll clean that up.”

He crouched and I just looked up at him blankly. His hand gently nudged me back to my pillow and I let myself be led to it, flopping down on it almost lifelessly.

“Lie down a bit. You’re obviously not feeling well.”

I couldn’t understand half the things he had said but I got the idea that he wanted me to be still. Probably for the best since I only managed to fuck up everything.

He came back with some cleaning utensils and I just watched him clean my mess, helplessly, like I had done back then…

What would Farlan say if he saw me now?

_“Pathetic! You’ve turned out to be so pathetic, depending on a human like that! Humans are disgusting! You are disgusting!”_

I closed my eyes. I wanted him to stop, wanted to tell him that Erwin was different. I wanted to tell him how I so fervently wished he and Isabel were in my place right now, being cared for him even if that meant I had given up my life instead of them.

Isabel would love Erwin…

My tail flicked slightly as I felt his gentle hand scratching behind my ear. He had already cleaned my mess and the spot now smelled like lemons. The absence of the scent of puke calmed me down a bit and I willed my imaginary Farlan to shut up. I felt exhausted and just so done with everything. As much as I wanted to I could never forget.

“I wish I knew what happened…” My ears twitched at Erwin’s murmuring. His touch had lulled me into a calm, pensive state and the sudden sound of his deep voice startled me back to reality. I raised my head from the pillow and stretched my neck involuntarily, feeling my joints pop. Erwin quirked a small smile at that and suddenly I didn’t feel so lost anymore.

His smile made me feel like they were here with me…playing and teasing me with their silliness. His smile made me feel hopeful, as if I still had a purpose.

He gave me one final pat on my head before he stood up from his crouch. “I’m going to get your food. You’re probably hungry.”

He scratched at the small of his back as he went and, as if unconsciously, I followed him to the kitchen, only stopping to drink some water to soothe my dry and sore throat. I could still taste the bile on my tongue and on a second thought, I started to lap thirstily, swallowing down large gulps at once until almost half the bowl was empty. The taste was almost gone though.

When I reached the kitchen, Erwin was opening up a can. It wasn’t tuna but the smell of it had my stomach growling. There was a picture of a fluffy looking white cat on the front so I guess Erwin was starting to get food that was especially for me. He put a few spoonfuls of it on my metallic bowl and then brought it to my spot in the living room. I followed him, looking up at the bowl in interest and my tail flicked as he finally put it down. I promptly dug in, wolfing down the chunks of what I now knew was meat covered with some delicious sauce.

From the corner of my eye, Erwin had went again to the kitchen to come back with a steaming mug of that brown liquid he liked so much and a black and white bundle of papers that he opened once he sat down on the couch.

I was done with my food far sooner that I would have liked and I busied myself by looking up at him with curiosity, watching his blue eyes roving over the human inscriptions that littered the paper with a lack of interest. He stopped halfway with a frustrated huff, folding the bundle of papers back to the way it was before and finally noticed me, chuckling. He patted the spot next to his seat and I mewled, obliging.

He stole a glance at my empty bowl and raised one thick eyebrow. I had the grace to tug down my ears. Did I do something wrong?

“Feeling better?” He lifted his mug and took a sip of the brown liquid. I couldn’t help but lean towards it. The scent was really captivating and when he lowered it from his lips I had the urge to take a tiny lap at it. Anticipating my intent though, Erwin chuckled and moved the mug away from me, patting me softly. “Oh, you wouldn’t like this, little fella’. Have never heard of a cat who did, plus it wouldn’t probably do you any good.”

I only tilted my head and silently accepted it. I felt slightly ashamed for acting that way actually. I was getting too comfortable. Now I felt like I had the right to snoop into Erwin’s drinks and food? I was really asking for it.

Farlan’s voice was starting to come back, snickering at me in the back of my mind.

_“You’re deceiving yourself. One day his mask will slip and he’ll be just one more beast to stay away from. He’s a clever one.”_

Shut up! Shut.Up.

Erwin clicked on a button from a rectangular shaped device and the human trapping box lit up. He watched it with a bored gaze, pressing the buttons on his other device repeatedly, mumbling whenever he didn’t really like what he saw before settling with some sort of drama that was going on. The humans were just shouting and throwing stuff at each other to me. I grimaced when one got hit and fell back unconscious. I looked up and noticed that Erwin didn’t look even remotely fazed with what just happened to that tiny human, perhaps he was even a little amused.

Well, the human was probably all right.

I whimpered and tentatively rested my head on his lap, feeling slightly better as my stomach finally settled and Erwin’s touch was back, caressing my ears and making me feel warm.

Not as warm as they did…but it was enough for me to close my eyes and finally not having their hateful stares directed at me. This immense pity and sadness I had for what I had lost, what I could have had would always remain but with Erwin by my side, the simple feeling of his company, was enough for the little pieces of my heart to slowly stitch themselves back together.

He’s different, Farlan. You’ll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter seems a bit crappy :c I feel like I just rambled on in it. I had something completely diferent planned for it but thought it would be more fitting if I saved it for later. Hope you guys still liked it though! <3
> 
> (I guess I just wanted to emphasize how much trust Levi is actually putting into Erwin, how much hope he has in him.)


	11. Chapter 11

I was laying down in front of the glass door that led to the balcony, my grey eyes roving over the cloudy sky and the sun peeking shyly through the breaches, showering the towers with mesmerizing reflections. My tail flicked and my ear twitched as I heard Erwin’s light snores from the couch. He had arrived home late yesterday; not sure when but the sun was rising when I woke up to the jingling of his keys.

He had looked so exhausted, dragging his feet and carelessly dropping his backpack beside the couch before he flopped down on the couch with a heavy sigh. I had mewled in greeting and placed my front paws on the cushion seat where his face rested against one of the pillows, leaning shyly and sniffing him. I blanched: he smelled toxic; a strong, almost acid scent clung to him that burnt my nostrils. His natural and so comforting scent was buried deep beneath that filth. What the hell had the human consumed?

I felt something heavy drop on my stomach. The dark circles around his eyes were getting deeper and he just looked like shit, to be honest.

Yet, when I mewled in confusion, his blue eyes opened and he chuckled, raising a hand and caressing my head. I nuzzled at his palm in relief. He was still smiling.

“Hey there, little fella’. I had a rough night so would you mind if I snooze for a bit? Just a little…I promise it won’t be long…”

His speech sounded different…slurred. His cheeks were flustered but his eyes were still shining as they looked at me and his smile was endearingly lazy so I just mewled back in response and climbed up the cushion, curling myself close to his chest. He made a happy sounding hum, his arm enveloping me loosely and I felt his steady breathing getting slower as he quickly succumbed to sleep. I stayed there for a few minutes, counting the ticks of the clock hanging on the kitchen wall and basking in his presence, his warmth. I looked up and saw his tired features relaxed at last, his mouth parted in small puffs of breath. I mewled lowly, nuzzling at his chest and felt his arm unconsciously tighten a little around me, tugging me closer. I would certainly fall back asleep if I stayed here and the while I was quickly growing fond of this human’s affection I still felt a nagging little spiteful voice on the back my head, whispering warnings.

I hated it. I think I could safely say that Erwin didn’t deserve these kind of thoughts as he slept so deeply, so innocently; trusting me enough to expose himself in his weakest state. Yet it didn’t stop me from giving him one last glance before I snaked my way out of his embrace. His arm hung limply at his side now that he had nothing to hold.

I watched him wrinkle his nose, those thick eyebrows scrunching before he grunted and shifted to lay on his back. He was too tall to fit on the couch and his still boot clad feet hung uncomfortably on the other side. I guess the growing light of the day started bothering him as he then threw his left arm over his eyes-the other rested across his stomach.

After taking a few sips of water and getting bored of not being noisy with my squeaky fake mouse-I was careful not to bite too hard so it produced short and barely noticeable squeaks- I settled on a nice spot to gaze upon the scenery from the glass door.

Now I was just waiting for him to wake up. The silence was nice though. Just his snores and the ticking of the clock…

“EEEEEERWIIIIIIIIN!” The loud banging that followed had me hissing, fur standing on end as I cursed that creature’s existence. I’ve never seen anything as obnoxious as Hanji.

Erwin seemed to share my opinions as he had woken up with a startled yelp. The scare had his arms flailing helplessly as he fell down the couch with a heavy ‘thud’. I mewled in worry and padded towards him, nudging at his jaw as he rubbed his back with a groan.

“God, little’ fella…they’re going to be the end of me.” He murmured as he gave me a quick pat and stood up, shuffling towards the door to open it.

Hanji barged in as always, their backpack bulging with weird and useless crap on their back and their hands busy carrying two plastic bags. They dropped their backpack on the ground carelessly and started digging for something on one of the plastic bags.

Erwin closed the door and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Something bubbled in my throat, something akin to amusement. He looked like he wanted to bury himself in the deepest hole he could find. I would join him.

“Hanji…” He started but was cut off as they turned their head sharply at his calling before giving a boisterous laugh.

“How’s that hangover, huh? Quite a night yesterday! Good thing your dearest friend Hanji here’s got your back!” They seemed to finally find what they were looking for and with a satisfied smirk, they handed Erwin a closed container. Erwin seemed to brighten up at it and my tail waved curiously as he opened the lid and clouds of steam came out along with a ridiculously mouthwatering scent. He sniffed a bit and his features instantaneously relaxed, moving inside the kitchen with it and started pulling out a plate from one of the cupboards.

“Thank you, Hanji. Your delicious chicken soup will always be appreciated.” He grinned as he poured the contents onto the plate. I licked my chops at it and the growling of my stomach signaled my appetite.

Hanji snickered, now searching for something else on her bags. “Bet you haven’t had lunch yet, huh?”

Erwin frowned. “Lunch?” He glanced at the clock and gasped, resting the spoon he was about to bring to his lips and opened the cupboard once again, taking out the can of what I supposed was my food. I licked my chops again and mewled in gratitude. My tail flickered unconsciously and this warmth in my chest every time he did these little but actually big things for me was spreading all over my body.

Hanji pouted. “Poor kitty cat having to deal with your drunk ass.” Erwin gave them a dirty look before he cooed to me as he brought the food to my bowl. I didn’t like the fleeting look on his eyes at whatever they had said though. He had looked incredibly guilty as he put the food in the bowl. His smile seemed almost apologetic as he caressed my ears and I frowned, mewling softly and nuzzled his palm.

“Erwin.” I had already dug into my food but I still turned my head. Erwin had returned to his own food as he hummed in acknowledgment. Hanji’s toned had turned a bit too serious and uncharacteristic of them.

They were as if frozen, their hands still digging into the bag but their stare was focused on Erwin. “Feeling better?”

Erwin stilled at that before the strangest smile I ever seen deformed his lips. It was weird. It wasn’t sweet, it seemed the exact opposite of it actually.

Why would he smile like that?

“I guess.”

Hanji wasn’t obviously satisfied with his answer but they didn’t pry any further as they returned to whatever they were doing. My eyes lingered on Erwin as he kept eating. His shoulders had slumped yet he still kept this dignified poise that he always had even if it was obvious he was having a rough time.

“Thanks for putting up with my shit.” He added moments later. Hanji smiled at that and I knew then that they deserved more respect than I initially thought. Perhaps they weren’t that bad.

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for.” Erwin said nothing but I could see that his mood had lightened up as he finished eating. He laid the dirty plate and spoon on the sink and started washing them as Hanji gave a victorious ‘ha ha!’, brandishing a colorful looking smaller bag. Erwin raised his eyebrows at it in recognition, snorting.

“Buying his affection, are we?” He smirked. I finished my own meal just then and had the feeling they were going to start talking about me so I silently padded closer to them. I maintained my distance from Hanji though.

They didn’t seem to notice me as they adjusted their crooked glasses and threw a fake offended look at Erwin. “Well…we _did_ not start off in the best terms…”

He chuckled and I mewled up at him, rubbing shyly on his leg. He stared at me slightly surprised before he crouched down. My ears flickered as I expected him to pet me or something but was startled when I started to feel myself being gently lifted. My heart thudded but I willed it calm down. That awful scent still clung to Erwin but it wasn’t so strong anymore and as I rested comfortably in his arms, I could make out his original scent much clearer now. I inhaled it greedily and my tricky mind -that had drifted to unpleasant memories at the feeling of being lifted- produced more of that cuddly warmth that spurred a strange purring sound from deep inside me.

Human…why do you feel so nice?

Hanji’s eyebrows rose as they gave a huge grin. “The feral beast has been tamed.” I had the feeling that I was being mocked as Erwin’s chest rumbled with his chuckles but I didn’t mind as he kept rubbing the back of my neck in soothing circular motions.

Hanji opened the little bag they had brought then and my nose twitched at the curious scent wafting from it. “I guess I’m safe even if I don’t give him these.”

I mewled in curiosity, leaning in when they pulled a fish looking shaped kind of biscuit. Erwin put me down on the kitchen table and I hesitantly walked towards the biscuit that Hanji was obviously offering me.

As I reached it and sniffed it-the scent was strange but not unpleasant- something in the familiarity of the situation had me freezing in sudden fear. I looked up and saw Hanji’s glasses almost glisten, their toothy grin suddenly looking more like a hungry sneer as they waved the biscuit in an encouraging gesture.

“Want a treat, kitty cat?”

My eyes widened. The words -although pronounced in a different tone- brought bloody flashes upon me. It was still very fresh…the dream had done something to me. I hissed and turned away, running right straight to Erwin. He scooped me up in surprise, looking at Hanji in worry.

“Was it something I did?” They then looked at the biscuit as if searching for a flaw. “Maybe he doesn’t like these kind of things…”

From the terrifying sea of red in my mind, the sadness on their voice had me surfacing. My eyes widened and I mewled lowly, turning to face them. My heart twisted at the disappointed look in Hanji’s eyes. Not at me, but at themselves…

Erwin put me down on the kitchen table again when I leaned into it. Hanji had sighed then. “Well…no treats then, I guess…”

No. I can’t be like this. If I’m to be here, if I am to prove Farlan that this is different then _I_ have to be different too. I mewled and approached Hanji again. They were surprised but when I glanced at the biscuit they were about to drop back into the bag they held it out to me again with a strangely nervous smile. Shivers had my legs shaking and the fear was trying to take over again as I sniffed at their hand and biscuit, trying to detect anything that would be bad for me. But I found nothing and with that came the truly terrifying part.

Trust them.

They didn’t move this time; they just held the biscuit and waited for me to accept it and I felt grateful for it. They were giving me a choice. They just wanted me to have it. They didn’t have any dark, filthy second intentions behind it.

I looked up at Hanji, _truly_ looked at them and it was…okay. Their brown eyes behind the thick crazy looking glasses held a gaze filled with sweetness and kindness. There was a pureness in Hanji that I have only found in Erwin thus far except theirs had a layer of madness that nobody could ever possibly understand. It seemed almost like a protection of theirs but it was also just their unique way of being.

How could I hate them for something like that?

They didn’t hide anything. And for that I gave a small mewl of gratitude and bit onto the biscuit, taking it and quickly munching it. It actually tasted pretty good.

The silence that followed felt sacred. I didn’t want to acknowledge it but I knew that I was in too deep with these humans. And they obviously felt the same.

That’s why, for the first time, I didn’t flinch when Hanji carefully and slowly caressed my head in silent agreement.

“Kitty cat is just shy…aren’t you?” They cooed and I narrowed my eyes. The mocking tone brought back the feeling of normalcy as Erwin chuckled.

“Don’t push it, Hanji. You know he isn’t.”

I watched him walk away towards the couch and I followed him, giving a parting mewl at Hanji. He plopped down on it, rubbing his forehead tiredly and I leaped at the cushion next to him after he patted it in beckoning. I curled around myself, pressed comfortably against his thigh and gave a small contented sigh as I just basked in this moment.

It was ridiculous, perhaps wishful thinking on my part but for a fleeting second I entertained the thought of spending the rest of my life like this, just staying at these humans’ side.

But much more than that…at Erwin’s side.

My companions had been brutally taken away and after that there was only the lonely everlasting fight for survival for me, tasteless and meaningless. No longer did I feel like I had a purpose, like I had a meaning. I was just another cat.

I wasn’t special so I didn’t deserve something that special.

And it had been just another meaningless day, where I starved and shivered yet had long accepted that as something that I simply deserve, when this human dared to come and try to convince me otherwise. When this human dared to share his warmth and home with me, share his food and…and his gentle, beautiful smile.

“Erwin.” Hanji called. Erwin simply hummed, turning his head questioningly.

“I brought something else for your little buddy right there.”

Of course, I didn’t really know what they were talking about but my ears twitched as I saw Hanji appear in front of us, blocking the view of the box with the tiny humans and a package in their hands. They opened it and pulled an odd looking thing from it.

It looked like one of those things I’ve seen some dogs wear around their necks but this one was much smaller and it had a tiny metallic ball hanging from it that made a melodious chiming for every little slightest movement of Hanji’s hand.

Erwin’s eyebrows raised as he took it and I leaned in, sniffing it out of curiosity. Hani snorted, smiling fondly at me. “See? He seems to like it.”

“Hanji…” Erwin began, carefully. His blue eyes glanced at me and I mewled, pawing at the collar in his hand. “I don’t think I should yet…”

They snorted, shaking their head. “Erwin, he’s been with you for two weeks now. I think it’s more than time. Or was it not your intention all along?”

I felt Erwin caress my ears and I mewled. His blue eyes resembled melted pools of the purest water, gazing at me in such a way that I couldn’t describe.

“I don’t really know how to answer that…when I saw him all alone in that filthy place…looking so absolutely miserable…it was instinct.”

Hanji placed a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at them. I looked between them, feeling confused but also not daring to interfere.

“Don’t think that he’s the only one that needs somebody.”

Erwin’s eyes widened before he gulped, looking back at me. He held the collar thing to me and I sat up, waiting for whatever he was going to do next.

He looked straight into my eyes and I tilted my head. He gave me the brightest smile I have ever seen from him yet and it was then that I noticed that the collar was closing around my neck with a small click. It fitted perfectly and it didn’t feel constricting as I once thought it was, gazing upon the dogs that wore them. It felt…like I had gained a new part of me. I didn’t feel so incomplete anymore. I stood up and the metallic little ball chimed with my movement.

Erwin and Hanji were almost glowing as they looked at me and although I felt a little uncomfortable I also couldn’t help but think that this was the most right act I could ever witness. It was a gift from them both but especially from Erwin. A gift that inevitably linked us both and that thrilled and terrified me. Once again, I was prone to heartbreak.

“Well…” Hanji prodded, nudging Erwin. “We can’t be calling him ‘little fella’ and ‘buddy’ all the time. What are you going to call him, Erwin?”

He didn’t take very long to answer. “I’ve always liked the name Levi…I think it suits him.”

Hanji raised their eyebrows, adjusting their glasses as they hummed in interest. “That’s quite a pretty but also strong name. I like it! Quite unusual.” They then crossed their arms as they seemed to remember something. “I hope you were not inspired by the jeans’ brand…”

Erwin laughed at whatever they had said, shaking his head vehemently. He then faced me once again.

“And what do you think, Levi?”

My eyes widened. Levi? I couldn’t help but roll the pronunciation several times inside my mind, taking it deep into my memory. Was it my name?

It didn’t sound bad…and it wasn’t something ridiculous. Farlan and Isabel had once told me stories about the horrid and distasteful names that their previous humans had given their brothers and sisters. I shivered for them.

I don’t know how to feel. Suddenly everything they did made sense. How they clung to their names. It was something that they truly owned and no human could ever take from them even if it was them who gave it in the first place.

It…it was another piece of me that, just like the collar, was completing me. Giving me something to believe in, to cling to.

I was not just another cat.

I am Levi.

I mewled up at Erwin in acceptance but of course he couldn’t understand that. Yet I was deeply satisfied with how happy he now seemed. And I’ll be damned if I ever make him look otherwise.

Please, please, Erwin…I want this name. I want this.

I want to be with you.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity. And thank you for making me want this opportunity.

_Farlan, Isabel…my name is Levi. Nice to meet you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this extremely important chapter with all the fluff! <3 Please tell me what you think about it.
> 
> Pic of [cat Levi :3](https://petsdiaries.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/black_cat_by_midnight_princess13-d4uqduh.jpg)


	12. Chapter 12

“Levi!”

I mewled, my ears twitching at the increasingly familiar sound of my name. I found Erwin in the kitchen, smiling sleepily as we started our usual morning routine.

“Here’s your food, little buddy. _Bon appétit!_ ” He lowered my bowl to the floor, at the foot of the kitchen table and I mewled in thanks, giving his leg a quick rub before I dug in. The scent of the human’s nice smelling black drink permeated the place and Erwin soon joined me, sitting at the table and munching on some toasted bread. He was looking over one of his notebooks-some sort of book where he wrote in- and had this really focused face on. His expression looked a bit worried even.

“Hmm…maybe I need one more study session with Hanji…” He murmured, scratching the slight scruff on his cheek that had grown overnight.

After I was done, I sat and mewled up at him, watching him. I don’t really know why but I found amusement in simply watching the human do something, as mundane and boring that something could be. Humans were odd creatures, that had shaped the world to their convenience and yet lived in constant turmoil to perfect that same world. I know for sure that sometimes, buried deep beneath his books and papers as he has been lately, Erwin looks at me curled up all relaxed not far from him with some sort of envy.

Which was actually ridiculous. He was human, this was his territory and he could do whatever he wanted. He always looked so pained and tired after he was done reading all those inscriptions.

It’s been a while since Hanji visited too. Last time they had come, it was the day after Erwin named me-which I secretly hold dear in my memories- and they had brought more of those papers and heavy books with pictures and more of those tedious inscriptions. They had then spent the whole day focused on them, immune to my mewls for attention.

I had been quite appalled. Hanji would have jumped at a chance to play with me. At least, whatever had been bothering Erwin seemed to be gone as he never really returned at ungodly hours looking miserable anymore. That made me relieved.

I was startled out of my thoughts when I heard him groan, dropping his head between his hands and sighing. I frowned and mewled, raising my paw to poke at his calf. His head snapped up then and looked down at me. I poked him again with another mewl.

_What’s wrong, Erwin?_

He gave me a small smile and leaned down, stretching his hands towards me. I prided myself as I didn’t flinch when he picked me up and put me on the table in front of him, inches away from his notebook. He rested his head on his palm then and started petting me, another sigh escaping him.

“Exams suck, Levi. You have no idea how lucky you are that you’ll never have to go through them.”

I was more focused on the blissful feeling of his affection, my ears twitching as he paid specially attention to them.

_A little to the left…yes, perfect, Erwin._

Another sigh. “And the first one is tomorrow! Yeah, I think I’m going to give Hanji a call…I bet they’re having a hard time as well…”

My body started to vibrate on a low purr uncontrollably as he now moved his hand to my neck and I stretched it in invitation. My eyes closed as a purring mewl escaped me.

_Bless you, human._

I was just about to lean into his palm when the sound of a bell had us both stilling. He frowned but stood up and I mewled lowly, leaping from the table, close at this heels.

“Who could that be? I’m not expecting anyone…”

I was amazed though, how his sleepy and relaxed stance immediately straightened up once he answered the door. I hid myself behind his left foot, looking up at the unexpected visit with curiosity.

It was a female. She looked pretty enough. Had a pleasant face and gentle eyes-not as gentle as Erwin’s- but she looked okay. Her long brown hair was tied up in a neat ponytail and she clutched her handbag closer to her side as she stood there a bit awkwardly. She gave a small nervous smile, her voice sounding meek.

“Hello Erwin.”

I looked up at him with a light frown, a bit worried by his unresponsiveness. His eyes roved over the female’s form and he still looked tense as fuck. I nudged his leg a bit, suppressing a mewl as I didn’t want the female to notice me yet.

_Say something, human. You’re just standing there like a weirdo._

That seemed to snap him out of his silence. His chuckle was equally-if not more- awkward as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hey Marie! Was…hum…not expecting you…what are you doing here?”

I didn’t really understand a lot of human speech but the female looked a bit taken aback. Her fingers tightened a bit on the strap of her handbag and her lips thinned, turning her smile a bit sour.

“Ah, yes, you’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t call you or anything but I only noticed now- as I prepared myself to study- that you still have the notes I lent you last week.”

Erwin’s eyes widened in realization.

“Oh…oh! Right! I remember! Just wait a moment, I’ll go get them.”

He then turned stiffly and practically ran to his bedroom. I heard a few footsteps and noticed the female was now standing in the middle of the living room, looking around. I felt such a deep vibe of awkward from these two that I was starting to feel embarrassed for them. Why exactly are they acting like they have a pole shoved up their asses? They’re from the same species-male and female none the less!- so interaction should come naturally.

Erwin was most likely beyond the starting age of mating, same for her, so the tension should actually be of an entirely different kind. It wasn’t something that I’ve really thought about and it was giving me a weird feeling that I ignored but it was odd how Erwin-who seemed completely healthy and strong- was still alone and unmated. Having spent some days with him, I knew he wasn’t unpleasant to be with. In my eyes, there really isn’t any better person than him. So why is he so…alone?

I frowned at the female and mewled. This required a deeper investigation.

Her eyes widened as she followed the sound to find me on the floor, looking up at her. She gasped and made a weird cooing sound as she kneeled.

“Oh my…look what we have here! Hey, kitty!”

She stretched her hand slowly and I had to appreciate that. Unlike _some_ people, this human had common sense.

I mewled and hesitantly shuffled a little closer, giving her hand a quick sniff. Clean. Slight flowery scent. Pleasant. I could like her.

“Look at you! You’re so cute.” She cooed. Urgh, it sounded a bit too sweet when she did it. I was starting to find a lot of things that I only liked Erwin doing.

Speaking of which, his hurried footsteps sounded once again as he appeared with one of those notebooks in his hand. He stopped though once he saw me and the female. I mewled and swiftly dodged the incoming pet from the other human as I made my way towards the safety of Erwin’s legs, pressing myself close. He seemed to become less tense then, giving me a small smile.

“You didn’t tell me you had a cat.” His demeanor sobered a bit as he faced her again. She smiled gently at me, crossing her hands in front of her. “He’s really cute.”

The tension lessened a bit but now I felt uncomfortable as their attention shifted towards me. I press myself even closer to Erwin, wanting to blend in with the black of his sweatpants.

Erwin crouched and I mewled as he scratched behind my ears. “He is. Been my little fella’ for a few weeks now. Found him in bad shape on the streets and took him in.”

“Poor thing.” She murmured. Her gaze seemed to turn sad then as she looked at Erwin. “That was very kind of you, Erwin… you’re a really nice guy.”

He stood up, giving a nervous cough but the redness on his cheeks was highly suspicious. “Hum..yea…I just…couldn’t exactly leave him there after seeing him so miserable. Here’s your…hum…notes.”

I wanted to sigh in exasperation as the tension came back in full force.

“Oh! Yes, these are the ones! Thank you.” She took it from him hastily, shoving it down her handbag a bit roughly before walking towards the door that Erwin was already opening. She crossed the doorway before she turned to give her goodbyes though from her stance, it looked as if she just wanted to hightail out of here. She gave me another of her really sweet smiles that I felt unsure about.

“May I ask his name?”

Erwin’s smile was pure then, all apparent bitterness and awkwardness suddenly gone.

“It’s Levi.”

Her smile turned a bit more normal at that and for once they acted just plain friendly.

“That’s a lovely name. Suits him.”

“Yea, I thought so too.”

She pulled a stray strand of hair behind her ear, licking her lips nervously.

“Well…sorry once again for showing up unannounced. See you tomorrow, Erwin.”

I mewled as I was suddenly picked up by this damn dork, cradled gently against his chest. I looked up at him and stretched one paw, poking his cheek. The female giggled at that and I was satisfied with his embarrassment. Serves you right for treating me like one of those stuffed animals.

“See ya.” He said.

“Bye Levi! It was nice meeting you!” She said a bit more cheerfully, already walking down the steps and I simply mewled, nuzzling deeper into Erwin’s hold.

Erwin shut the door with a sigh and headed towards the kitchen to get his notebooks. His now cold drink sat forgotten on the table as he shuffled to the couch, still holding me with one arm. I mewled as he plopped down on it and lowered me to his lap. I looked up at him as he sigh, passing a hand over his face. His cheeks were still red.

“Bet that was really weird to you, huh, little fella’?” He sighed and I felt confused and helpless as his smile was that weird, sad one from before. He petted my head and I leaned into his palm, wanting to know what got into him all of a sudden.

“Don’t worry. Some things aren’t just meant to be…” He glanced at the closed entrance door with a wistful look and I suddenly understood.

Erwin was lonely. Incredibly lonely. And the company he craved was the one only someone like that female could give.

I mewled softly, nudging at his palm but he only gave me one last pat before he shifted his attention to his notebooks once again. I sat there on his lap helplessly as I tried to voice my thoughts, anything to make him feel less alone. Because he wasn’t alone.

_You have me._

But of course, I am not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one sucks. I'm feeling the pressure of incoming exams x.x


	13. Chapter 13

Erwin arrived pretty late again last night. The moon was high in the sky when I heard the telltale jingling of keys and the door opening quietly. His shuffling announced how tired he was and I simply padded towards him with a shy mewl in greeting. He still managed to smile-he always did- and my little heart did a small flip in relief. I admit, I’ve become increasingly worried about the dramatic shift in his lifestyle. Whatever it is, it is definitely very important to Erwin for him to be so bothered by it, buried in human inscriptions and barely feeding himself. Not to mention his unhealthy sleeping schedule that has been reduced to a miserable amount of hours. I was almost angry at him for treating himself like this. I’m sure nothing is worth having him in so much distress.

I wish I could stop being so useless. No matter what I did, my company and stupid mewls were useless compared to the emotional struggle I could clearly see in Erwin every day. Ever since that female came he has been acting so sullen. His presence has become so soft as if he was making himself as small as he could and I hated it. When he would take a break from his intensive self torture on those human inscriptions, he would laze around on the couch and cradle me against him, petting me and doting me with such affection that I could almost forget that anything was wrong with him at all. I knew though that I was definitely being an outlet for his loneliness, something for him to give all his love to. I was so frustrated by this.

I like Erwin. A lot.

I don’t want to see him sad. I want him to smile and laugh and be happy with me. It sounds selfish but I care too much about him. I won’t fail him…Isabel and Farlan wouldn’t want me to.

It was morning now and I knew he was still sleeping in his bedroom. At least he had managed to shuffle his way there instead of just collapsing on the couch. I also noticed he seemed to be sleeping in. From the position of the sun outside I could see it was almost midday. That got me worried again and I decided to go check on him.

Well, if something did happen to him I don’t know if I would be much help. What could I do, mewl in distress hoping someone could hear me?

I padded silently towards his bedroom-the door was ajar as always- and I immediately heard his soft snores, a bit louder now perhaps from his exhaustion. One of his feet was dangling from the edge of the bed. It was amusing how the bed seemed so large yet he managed to fill it up with his awkward, space hogging positions. This time he was spread eagled on it, one arm behind his head and cradling the pillow and another lying palm up on the sheets. The sheets were pretty much a lost case, all tangled up around his legs. I don’t know how he gets up without dragging the whole bed with him.

I used the same tactics to get up on the bed and carefully stepped between his limbs until I reached a comfortable spot on his side. I mewled softly, as if announcing my presence, and he only twitched his nose, his breath hitching to the sound. I tentatively climbed his torso and leaned down, sniffing his neck. He didn’t smell as toxic as that other time and it calmed me down a bit but he did smell like he didn’t shower for some time and my nose twitched in disapproval. To think there is actually something that had Erwin slouch so much, to be so cruel to himself…

I mewled softly and nuzzled his neck.

_I worry about you. You do have someone that cares. Don’t do this to yourself ever again, Erwin._

He only gave a weird noise, his face tensing slightly and I immediately retreated, jumping from his torso and curling myself beside him. My stomach was growling slightly but that didn’t matter.

The only thing that mattered was Erwin.

_I’ll be with you. Always._

 

* * *

 

 

I don’t know when exactly I dozed off but I was awoken with a soft, gentle caress on my ear and I instinctively leaned towards it, seeking more. I opened my eyes to Erwin’s blue ones and my chest felt warm once again. He looked himself again, his smile a bit drowsy but truly happy.

“Hey, little fella’.” He greeted and I mewled in return, getting up and stretching myself lazily. Erwin yawned and did the same, before he glanced at the time telling device on his bedside table. He did a double take at it and then looked at me with a surprised expression.

“Oh damn, I slept too much! You’re probably hungry, aren’t you?”

My stomach decided to growl then and he looked angry at himself. I wanted to tell him that it was fine, that he had desperately needed this rest. It’s not like I didn’t know what hunger was like. It has only been appeased by Erwin’s kindness after all.

He still got up in a hurry, changing his pajamas to a plain white shirt and jeans- I was getting the handle of these human words- and power walked towards the kitchen barefoot, not even bothering with putting some socks on. He had this determined expression on and I found it endearing how he hated to let me down, how genuinely disappointed he got every time he “failed” me. That was nonsense of course. To me, such a thing was impossible.

He poured a generous amount of food on my bowl and changed my water, even though it was still fresh and I nuzzled his palm in thanks before digging in. Knocks sounded on the door then and I was briefly worried that that awkward female had returned but was relieved when I heard Hanji’s voice after Erwin answered it.

“Exams are over, Erwin! We are definitely celebrating today! You better put away those books because we’re not looking at them for some time!”

They sure seemed to be in a good mood. Erwin shared that mood too, chuckling at their remark and agreeing with them as he invited them in. Hanji had her arms and backpack full as always. Sometimes I wondered where Erwin stores all the shit they bring. They started unpacking and the first thing I noticed was the ridiculous amount of bottles they pulled out. Erwin seemed a bit distressed by that too. Hanji finally noticed his discomfort and snorted, giving him a disapproving look.

“We are getting hammered today, Erwin. No excuses. We deserve this.” They said in a ‘no nonsense’ tone.

Erwin blushed and passed a hand through his hair nervously as Hanji became increasingly excited about the prospects for today. I just turned back to my bowl and continued eating. Those two could do all the stupid shit they wanted as long as they didn’t hurt themselves.

 

* * *

 

 

They were doing stupid shit. And I don’t know if I should fear for their physical integrity yet.

Whatever was in those bottles had certainly decreased their intelligence to alarming levels of primitive and now they just found humor in anything. They ordered something called ‘pizza’ and devoured it in what I personally think might be record time. Then they plopped down on the couch in awkward and extremely uncomfortable positions-I’m amazed how Erwin can be so calm while literally having Hanji’s foot on his face- and just messed around with the weird box with the tiny humans inside, laughing obnoxiously at everything.

I was vaguely annoyed by it-and certainly not because I wasn’t having any attention, of course not- but because of the mess that was quickly piling up on the floor. Cans, bottles, plastic packages of food- how can humans eat so much?!- even Hanji’s dirty socks- oh dear, this is making me nauseous- littered the floor. Did they really have to make such a mess to celebrate something? Yes, because by now I am smart enough to figure that they were so happy with something that they had the need to regress to cavemen times to express just how happy they were.

“Dude…I think I’m going to stop thinking…” I heard Hanji’s drawled speech and Erwin _giggled_ at it.

“I stopped thinking a loooooooong time ago…!” Erwin’s reply horrified me, not because I understood what he said-because even if I did, it’s impossible in his state- but because of how changed his usual careful speech was. I suddenly feared both of them would stay like this forever.

_What the fuck was in those bottles?!_

I made my way towards them and mewled angrily, demanding to know just what was going on but of course, I wasn’t exactly intimidating and only got Hanji’s childish cooing as they spotted me.

“Leviiiiiiii! Come here kitty cat, let Hanji love you!”

My eyes widened in horror as they reached for me, a string of drool dropping from their mouth. Their brown eyes looked hazy and unfocused and I mewled in uncertainty. Luckily, a different pair of arms grabbed me and I was cradled against a warm comfortable chest. It made my own mind hazy and involuntarily purred, nuzzling against Erwin.

“Leave Levi alone…hic! He doesn’t need your bullshit right now…! I’ll just…cuddle him and love him myself because he likes me better!”

I knew whatever he said didn’t make sense but Hanji looked so outraged I was starting to find it funny.

“Not fair! You’re being…hic!... a selfish douche! Levi needs my love too!”

They just kept arguing mindlessly for a good amount of time, their voices drowsy and sluggish and not even sounding really mad. I felt happy though. They were clearly sharing a moment of easiness and relaxation.

…Even if they did look and sound stupid while at it.

But that must be a human thing. I was comfortably cradled between them both in the end as they reached an agreement. Their satisfied, relaxed expressions were endearing.

 I was just happy everything was okay once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this was just another silly goofy chapter to appease my need to fluff. Sorry if it's a bit boring :p Next chapter will be all serious again x.x


	14. Chapter 14

Everything was not okay.

It started out simple enough but it was enough for me to catch up on the signs. After getting over the hangover and saying his goodbyes to Hanji, Erwin’s smile slowly dimmed once again as he started to clean up the place. He spared me a glance when I rubbed at his leg as he washed the dishes but his indifference alarmed me. I didn’t understand. He looked so happy, so at peace when he was with Hanji and I not even ten minutes ago. This sudden shift in his mood, this…darkness that I could almost see surrounding his otherwise bright presence had my fur standing.

I tried everything I could. If only just to see him smile for me, even if just for a split second. What was the point of being with him if I couldn’t make him happy? It only meant that I was literally giving nothing in return for all the kindness he has shown me; that I was quickly becoming a burden rather than a companion.

That’s what I was to Erwin, right? He knows that I’m here for him, that I’m his companion.

His frown deepened the day after, as he talked over a human device on his ear. His voice had started surprisingly meek as he sat on the couch; his eyes heavy looking and tired and his free hand playing nervously with the fabric of his sweats at the knee.

A sigh.

He closed his eyes as he quickly breathed out more words-yet these seemed like they carried the weight on his shoulders all this time. Time seemed to stop as he just sat there, his mouth thinning as silence definitely answered his heartfelt confession and the gentle happy giant that was Erwin seemed to shrink. His straight position was reduced to a hunch as his other hand trailed up his golden hair to grip it tightly as if he was trying to catch himself.

_Are you falling Erwin?_

I sat by the corner of the couch, watching him, waiting for him to just snap out of it. To spring back up to his usual smiling self and promise me extra tuna tonight.

Whatever was said on the other end of that device I instantaneously hated it. Erwin’s expression was unrecognizable; as if he was tasting the bitterest thing ever and not immediately spitting it out but subjecting himself to it till the end instead. He gave one last nod and removed the device from his ear, staring at it for a few seconds before covering his eyes with his hand.

I looked away as soon as I heard the barest sound of a sob.

 

* * *

 

 

I know he was trying. After two days, I managed to bring out a smile from him when I played with the fake mouse in front of him. He knelt beside me then and played with me. He was chuckling in the end, as I rolled and pawed at the toy and the familiar warm feeling erupted deep inside my little heart.

I was doing it.

_Let me catch you._

He let me sleep beside him that night, cuddled up close to his chest where I could hear his heart beating. The steady drum like sound of it lulled me into a light, fuzzy sleep.

* * *

 

 

Four days later I woke up suddenly to the sound of the entrance door slamming and still in a sleepy and somewhat dazed state, I silently padded towards it to see what it was all about. I expected to see Erwin and indeed it was him but the thunderous sound of his footsteps had me backing away, wide eyed and nervous.

I realized then this was the first time I’ve ever seen Erwin angry.

“Bastard!” His voice boomed as he threw his talking human device at the wall, shattering it into pieces.

I could feel my fur stand as a shiver wrecked my small body into an alarmed state by instinct. Erwin stood still, fists clenched as he stared at the remains of the phone, trembling with violence.

For the first time, I felt the tiniest bit scared…of Erwin.

He made a sound that resembled a growl and I took another step back at that. He turned and kicked the couch and I winced, the barest sound of a whimper escaping me. What was he doing? Why was he so mad all of a sudden?

Farlan’s voice and words of despise for humans, the ones I had managed to muffle between all the kindness and happiness, were starting to haunt me once again as Erwin sat down on the couch, gripping his hair tightly as he breathed fast and deeply. His body was tense, his muscles coiled as he still trembled and his eyes tightly shut as he angrily passed a hand on them, wiping the beginnings of what suspiciously seemed like tears.

I dared to take a step towards him.

“Fuck…why…? He…he knew! He knew what I felt for her! I…can’t…I can’t live like this any longer…I just...I just can't!”

He didn’t sound so mad anymore by the end of his sentence. He sounded…defeated. Lost.

The silence stretched on, as his shoulders shook and I just stood there helplessly, feeling my heart tear. I’m so useless.

_Do something, Levi!_

Erwin’s other talking human device, the one that always stayed home, started ringing and I expected him to answer it, like he always did when he was home, but he just sat there and let it ring. His face was covered by his hands, as if he was trying to hide himself from the world.

A minute passed and my eyes fell on my fake mouse toy. Maybe…maybe I could still make him happy. I was immensely worried as he just sat there, hiding in his own hands and not moving a single inch except for the breathing that softly moved his ribcage.

The mouse squeaked lightly as my mouth closed around it and I stole a glance at Erwin but he remained still. I carefully padded towards him, sitting in front of him and very softly squeezed the toy.

The squeak seemed to echo around the silent home and Erwin tensed at the sound once again, his face slowly raising from his hands as his dazed, sad looking gaze focused on me. My ear twitched and I took another step towards him, nudging his leg as I squeezed the toy again, a bit louder this time.

_Please…please smile._

His beautiful blue eyes resembled more like the ocean now, instead of the clear sky. They were watery and dark with sadness and loneliness. It occurred to me that humans were never happy creatures. They always found a way to hurt themselves, to shred themselves apart inside until they were hollow, bitter husks. They were always looking for happiness, voraciously and desperately reaching and grasping at it only to have it always slip from their fingers. Their nature had doomed them to be complicated, to think and think and create and destroy until their inevitable end while my simple existence as a cat only allowed me to sleep and eat and mate to be satisfied.

But as I looked into Erwin’s eyes, as I saw the bitterness shadowing the happy and gentle person he naturally was -maybe that is why I always thought he was not human- I was not satisfied with my feline existence anymore. My heart was as destroyed as his, his feelings were seeping into me and making me feel something much more powerful than the earthly common pleasures provided. I wanted to be mad at him for making me feel like this but I couldn’t. I couldn’t be mad at Erwin.

I could only care- as much as a cat could- for him and worry.

“Levi…” His deep voice sounded weak and hoarse but he still didn’t even crack a smile like he usually did. He seemed to look even sadder and I inwardly despaired. I put the toy down and nudged at his leg again, seeming more persistent this time and he looked down at me but I only kept nudging at him. A soft pleading mewl seemed to snap him out of it and he let out a sob then as a tear freely trailed down his face. I looked up to see him reaching for me and I rested my paws on his arms as he picked me up. The warm, safe feeling of being cradled against his chest seemed petty as Erwin’s arms enveloped me desperately, his hands weaved through my dark fur and soon I could feel it become slightly wet as he hid his face in it. I mewled, nuzzling his chest and simply waited. I waited for him to find himself again though I knew that would take much longer than just a few minutes. Maybe days, maybe months…maybe years. However long it may take, I’ll be with him.

“It’s only you and me, lil’ fella…” His voice was muffled but there was surrender in his tone. Our hearts were broken and now it’s up to us to pick up the pieces.

And I will have to live with the fact that I will never be enough.

For the first time in my entire life…I wished I wasn’t just a cat.

For the first time in my entire life…I wished I were human.

For Erwin.

I don’t know how long we just sat there, holding onto each other. Erwin’s sobs had long subsided and now he just sighed deeply as he gave me a caress on my head. He got up, headed towards the bedroom while still carrying me and soon enough, he collapsed on the bed, not even bothering to change clothes, and with me resting atop his chest. He continued petting me until his hand all but stopped as his breathing deepened with sleep. His closed lids looked slightly swollen and red from the time crying and rubbing at them. The window of the bedroom was open and the slightly cold late night breeze danced with the curtains as my own lids started to drop.

Lulled by Erwin’s chest’s soft rising and falling, my last thought was that the stars looked exceptionally bright tonight.

 

* * *

 

 

The chirping of the birds awoke me and I frowned as I could feel soreness in my entire body. I tried moving but instantaneously regretted it as pain shot through my hind legs and up through my spine.

_What…why does my body hurt so much?_

Maybe all this time being with Erwin had been a dream and I was waking up on the streets once again, subject to the merciless elements. If that was the case, I don’t know if I could ever live as peacefully as I did once, knowing that I could never have that which Erwin had showed me.

I tried stretching a bit more then, flexing my paws but a foreign feeling answered me instead. My paws seemed…longer? And there was certainly something different…there were other longer and slimmer appendages that I could…move?

I didn’t know what was happening but this all felt quite freaky and my heart started hammering in fear.

_What happened to me?_

Fearfully, I started opening my eyes.

I almost fainted as I saw a human looking hand, with human looking fingers that apparently answered to my movements, grasping lightly to the open collar that Erwin had given me.

Startled, I sprang up. Strangely enough, this unfamiliar body was in perfect harmony with my mind and although the lacerating pain was still there, making me wince, I blinked unbelievingly at the collar that was no longer wrapped around my neck. I swallowed and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and dared to take a peek down.

_Holy shit!_

My eyes widened as I could see myself much bigger than the tiny cat I had originally been…and very much human. I dared to touch my stomach, feeling the muscles I always had ripple and I was unknowingly relieved that I still seemed as nimble and strong as a human as I was a cat.

But…

_What the fuck, I’m human??!_

I was still marveled and simultaneously terrified when I felt movement beneath me. I suddenly remembered that I was still on top of Erwin but now that I was bigger, my position had shifted to straddling his chest with my two very human legs.

_Oh fuck, he’s going to freak out!_

I was debating a good place to hide but was too late as a groan announced Erwin’s awakening, followed by the lazy opening of his blue eyes. My breath was taken away as I was already expecting Erwin to be as horrified and confused as I was.

“Morning, lil’ fella.” His voice was still hoarse, but now from sleep. I still only sat there, staring curiously and fearfully as his vision started to focus.

He saw my face first and he blinked, his body freezing as his eyes slowly widened.

“What…?” I didn’t know it was possible for his eyes to widen so much as he looked down at my body. Yup. He sure looked horrified and confused.

After all, how can there be an explanation to waking up to a naked human straddling your chest when you had fallen asleep with your cat on it?

I could only weakly raise the collar that I still had on my hand and shook it with a frown. The jingling sound of the little bell on it was startlingly loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the late update! Kind of had a writer's block :c This wasn't really what I had planned for this chapter but the words just flew from me before I could control them xD
> 
> I really hope that you all liked how this turned out and how it happened. I'm very insecure about it x.x

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think about it <3
> 
> My [tumblr](http://shadowmelly.tumblr.com/)


End file.
